unintuitive eating

back for an appearance

2009-08-21T07:59:00.003-04:00

i'm not "gone" per se, but perhaps a bit conflicted. i did enjoy this blog while it was active... but now it's a bit too "public" to those in my life who might read this blog just to check up on me. and i don't mean that to offend, it's just that once i realized that this blog had to be more than just meal accountability, i got scared to tell the world, anonymous and not-so-anonymous, what i was really feeling underneath. blogs are tricky like that. and recovery is damn hard.

if any of you have dealt w/ a similar situation, let me know... i'd love to hear your thoughts.

my breakfast is in a bit of a rut these days, but i still love it. i recently discovered sunflower seed butter...

ezekiel cinn-raison english muffin, 1/2 with sunbutter & banana, 1/2 with sunbutter, pumpkin butter, & banana!, cottage cheese, strawberries, coffeeeee

that's 1/2 of a banana... love the thin slices mmmm...

i can't believe it's 8:10 already this morning... i'm incredibly late. i'll ponder the blog situation as i hurry to get ready for work...

ho hum

2009-07-06T19:22:00.004-04:00

thanks, suzie, for asking about my weekend (seriously). my weekend was... less than stellar. there were just a bunch of disappointments, and i finally let them get the best of me yesterday. when life hands you lemons... yeah yeah yeah.

so i'm in a kind of blasé mood, and i just want someone to tell me things will get better, easier, happier, more natural. and i'm not just singling out the e.d. but just... life. wah wah wah pity party for rebecca =/.

i made a quick dinner that reminded me of childhood, but i just sort of ate it because it was after 7:30 and that means i should have dinner. it nourished me, and i guess that was the point, but i didn't care a whole lot about it.

cheese & potato pierogies, peas

at least it didn't bother me that i ate exactly TWO servings of pierogies-- although i'm sure a 3-piece serving is intended as more of a side rather than a main dish.

i finished a new project this weekend for a class i will be teaching in september-- a market bag for groceries. i think it turned out great, although my picture is dark, as per usual. there are actually 2 cds crocheted into the bottom of the bag as a base, which i thought was a clever idea, but who knows how sturdy that will be... anyway, i won't be using this until after the class is over, so i have a while to find out!

well that's all for now...

a date with. . . myself!

2009-07-03T10:31:00.004-04:00

i experimented with an odd combination at lunch yesterday... and i liked it, so i will share:

avocado and almond butter!

try it and you might like it too! since i had an almond butter-less breakfast (a rarity), i had to try to squeeze it in somehow =). here was my strange mishmash-of-a-lunch:

1/2 sandwich with avocado and almond butter, grapes, 4 pieces surimi sushi (leftover from my trader joe's dinner)

and last night, i had a date... with myself! i was really craving some quiet time, and i didn't feel like cooking. i stopped at whole foods for some good eats, and decided to get a beer too!

spinach-walnut-gorgonzola salad, chimichurri-shrimp skewer, cilantro-lime chicken skewer, hell's belle belgian beer (mmmmmm...)

i finished off my beer with dessert ... 2 green tea mochi!

and now i'm still happy for some quiet time... off to crochet outside on my porch. and because it's so beautiful out , i'll let belle come out there with me (she loves to be outside but i rarely let her).

back to normal

2009-07-02T07:42:00.002-04:00

belle, the one and only:

i took the kitten back yesterday. it was sad but sweet. had belle not turned into a stressed-out ball of fur, i certainly wouldn't have returned the kitten... but having this all happen this way made me realize that i'm not ready to let an animal affect my day-to-day life, and now i am more appreciative of having belle. despite her loud meows whenever i am in distant! proximity to her food bowl, and despite her shedding everywhere, she's a good cat, never biting or scratching or getting into any of my stuff, and she loves affection. plus she's generally lazy, which is a good thing...

i stopped off at trader joe's yesterday because i literally passed it on my way home from the cat shelter (i rarely go because it's 20+ min away)-- and i really needed to pick up something quick for dinner, as it was already 6:30 by then. i bought some lovely sushi, a box of green tea MOCHI (2 of which pretty much made my evening yesterday), some fruit, and a 4-pack of blueberry-raspberry oat bran muffins.

so i had an almond butter-less breakfast for a change:

fuji apple (i know, not in season, but i've been craving the crunch), cottage cheese, aforementioned muffin

it's going to be a busy/tiring day-- too much to do at work-- but it's almost the weekend (off tomorrow!) and i feel pretty good. all of this stress would have certainly led me to use my eating disorder in the past... but i've made it through, and that gives me confidence and hope. i'm sad that several of my friends will be away this weekend, but i'm looking forward to some self-time.

me & my oatbran, back to normal?!

2009-07-01T08:22:00.003-04:00

i don't even know where my camera is... somewhere stashed away from my kitty. life has been chaotic these past few days due to the little rugrat, and sadly, the kitten is being RETURNED today. i feel soooooo guilty for returning an animal, but she has totally stressed my cat out, who has now had two peepee accidents, and frankly, after 3 weeks of trying to work things out, i'm not willing to risk any more. i've since locked the kitten up in the bathroom and have given lots of love to my cat, who has resumed her normal litterbox behavior (thank the lord!). the kitten is adorable, but i cannot wait until this afternoon when i can bring her back and give both my cat and me some well-needed peace.

despite the hot weather, i was craving oatbran this morning. so here i am in front of my oatbran/banana/pblarabar/raisin/maplesyrup/almondbutter concoction. i've been extra hungry for the past few days... maybe it's been anxiety?

i guess i'll head into work... i've been working since 6:30 this morning (watching over my cat to make sure she was OK) so at least i won't feel too guilty stepping out early...

presentation isn't everything

2009-06-30T07:54:00.002-04:00

here's my kitchen table this morning. ok ok, it's really not all that disorganized...

check out my old-school phone... i finally get an upgrade next month.

i've calmed down quite a bit from last night. i woke up famished (despite my late dinner), and munched a granola bar before heading out in the... 65°! weather for a perfect run. i've been doing the treadmill thing lately, since it's been so darn hot, so this was wonderful. i really don't like the treadmill!

i'm relieved that i'm going to see my nutritionist this morning and then my therapist on thursday. i've made it through a lot of rough moments this week, and i'm ready for everything to slow down a notch. that being said, i think i've also grown stronger from surviving all the chaos.

wow.

2009-06-29T20:58:00.002-04:00

today was one of the roughest days i've had in a long time. my day went from calm to stressed, and just when i thought i had everything down / anxiety back to a reasonably-stressed level, BAM, cat decides to pee in a box of important papers rather than her litterbox.

after some much needed coaching from my therapist, i decided that skipping dinner would not be the best way to deal with the chaos. so i sat down to this, which was waiting for me right before my cat decided to make my day just that much better...

"sante fe summer pot" (slightly modified) with shrimp/avocado/tomato/onion/jalapeno/corn/celery/cilantro/lime juice/cumin/coriander/tortilla chips...

it was good, but really it was just sort of... food to get me through the night. i'm so ready for the day to be over.

to blog or not to blog

2009-06-27T13:20:00.002-04:00

open/closed-faced sandwiches... harvest grains bread, mustard/mayo, arugula, smoked turkey, avocado, baby carrots + bone-suckin' sauce

so i guess the question is... where do i go from here? do i keep up the blogging? or let this blog disappear as my former (deleted) one? i've lost much of the motivation to blog on a daily basis, and i think that happened as a result of 2 things: 1) gaining much more flexibility in my food/not so much needing a journal to track what i'm eating, and 2) feeling like i need to censor some of my still-quite-disordered and/or depressive thoughts to select readers, which kind of defeats the purpose of a recovery blog to begin with.

so... whereto from here?

lazy blogger

2009-06-25T20:05:00.002-04:00

i know, i haven't been blogging much. i really just haven't felt like it. so i don't know where this blog is heading... i feel less of a need for it now, not that i don't still have struggles, but eating the "right amount" has become somewhat ::gasp:: intuitive! i'm not always OK with what i need... i question myself a lot... but i don't think i need to snap a picture and look at what i've eaten in a day to know what is appropriate.

i felt compelled to post tonight b/c i made a fab dinner: sweet potato, celery root, and black bean quesadillas. odd combo? well sweet potato and celery root go really well together... and i've had sweet potato-black bean quesadillas... and since i had bought both a sweet potato and a celery root at the store the other day, i figured it would be a good idea =). with sauteed onions and shredded dubliner cheese, topped with avocado, salsa, and greek yogurt...

time to read in bed...

colorful & summery

2009-06-22T18:33:00.002-04:00

i haven't really felt like posting, or cooking lately. tonight i wanted something easy, satisfying, and light & summery to match the southern heatwave. i decided to make a surimi salald and stuff it in a pita. i pretty much threw things in as i went along, not measuring anything, and it ended up delicious, although i forgot to pick up some cilantro, which would have made it even better...

this made plenty for 2 servings, and perhaps more than that:

package flake-style surimi, shredded
large stalk celery, diced
1/3 red onion, diced
champagne mango, cubed (the small mangos)
couple handfuls raisins
some slivered almonds (how precise!)
juice of a small orange
tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1-2 tsp nuoc mam (vietnamese fish sauce)
heaping tablespoon greek yogurt
2? tsp light mayo
s & p

YUM!

wish i had some sorbet for dessert!

i took a half day today... i got up and just wasn't feeling it, and since i had an appointment @ 1, i decided to work until then, and take it easy the rest of the day. i went to the bookstore and sipped on an iced coffee while reading, called a friend and caught up, and changed into loungepants at 5 =p. i don't quite feel rested, since what i really need to catch up on is sleep, but i feel a bit more relaxed.

once again, i'm feeling like i need more friends/more connection. my nutritionist says it's a sign of where i am in recovery, where just figuring out the food piece isn't enough, and now i need something deeper. i'm exploring meetup groups (to meet people for a hike or something) but i'm just so bad at pushing myself out there.

worn out!

2009-06-20T13:34:00.003-04:00

i was quite productive this morning...

put away clutter
cleaned litterbox
put away laundry, washed new load
cleaned kitchen, including:
cleaned out fridge of expired items, cleaned drawers
vacuumed floors/carpet
vacuumed couch (handheld vacuum)
mopped floors

... and now i'm exhausted. i forced myself to finish all that before breaking for lunch (or well, stopping... i'm done being productive for the day). i felt like i had a workout! by the time i was done (1:15), i neeeeeeeeeded lunch. i felt like something hot/filling, so i heated up one of those indian "tastybite" pouches:

punjab eggplant

... served alongside baby carrots and toasted pita:

i realized a dollop of plain yogurt would have been good on top... but not until i was about 3/4 through... so i didn't bother. i actually think this was kind of a puny lunch, especially after all that cleaning. i'm heading out in a few though, to the bookstore for some ME time without the cats, and i think i may splurge on a frappuccino .

i snapped this pic this morning, and love it. action shot! belle is just sitting there like, hmm?!

hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

belle & sebastian

2009-06-19T08:36:00.003-04:00

i can't resist... more pictures of the little terrors:

belle, the wise one--ha! (8 years):

and sebastian, aka crazykitty (6.5 months):

they almost look like they could be sisters! belle is maybe starting to tolerate sebastian...

i finally got some sleep last night. i was so tired after work yesterday, that i could barely think of anything to cook, but i still wanted a real meal. i had a ripe plantain that needed to be eaten, so i sauteed plantain slices with a bit of olive oil and sprinkled them with sea salt, nuked some frozen broccoli florets and topped them with ginger-chili sauce, and made a mini toasted veggieburger sandwich:

this left me hungry later, so i had a cup of hot chocolate AND a clifzbar. i was ok with that though, because i felt like i needed it. maybe this dinner was punier than usual?

mmmm... i'm excited to take the leftover plantain slices to work today for lunch =).

breakfast this morning was the usual almond butter/banana combo, served on a cinn-raisin english muffin with a side of nectarine & cherries:

and off to work i go. tgif.

breakfast, anyone?

2009-06-18T07:55:00.002-04:00

breakfast is all i have time to post anymore! at least it's a lovely breakfast... peach, strawberries, banana/almond butter/pumpkin butter/full-fat cottage cheese, coffee.....

actually, i went out to dinner last night to bella monica, a cute italian/flatbread restaurant tucked away in a large shopping center. my friend and i shared the pear-gorgonzola-walnut salad (yummy, but the gorgonzola was weak!) and a fabulous flatbread with roasted eggplant, red peppers, pine nuts, tomato sauce, and mozzarella. mmmmmm. and i had a yummy glass of pinot grigio. 'twas a fun evening. later, my friend came over to play with the kitty, and then later another friend came over to play with the kitty.

alright, just enough time to check my work email, pack my lunch, and leave. this 2 cat thing is quite a challenge in the morning!

ha

2009-06-17T07:52:00.001-04:00

i just found these 2 pics on blogger and realized i never posted this morning. not that it matters now, but here was my delicious breakfast. seems like i've only been posting breakfasts lately... but not to worry, there have been lots of other meals in there =).

g'night!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (again)

2009-06-16T07:39:00.002-04:00

in an attempt to not disturb the quarantined kitty further by going into my bedroom and getting my digital camera, i snapped this poor quality pic with my macbook camera:

1/3 c oat bran, 2/3 c water, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk
tiny half of a banana (it was part brown so i had to cut that off)
1/2 cherry cashew PUREBAR (THANK YOU PUREBAR for the samples!!!!! i'll post a better pic with the rest of the bars later)
handful dried cherries
sprinkling pumpkin seeds
teaspoon pumpkin butter
spoonful almond butter

i woke up this morning to lots and lots of rain, and i decided that i neither wanted to run in the rain nor get out the umbrella and walk to the gym. so i stayed in bed. which would have meant some extra sleep but by that time i had let the kitty in....... i am feeling guilty for having not run, as my body image has been pretty crappy these days anyway. i have an appointment with my nutritionist in an hour though, so hopefully she can reassure me that once again, my weight hasn't really changed.

wow i really need a nap. i'm starting to feel slightly delirious from the lack of sleep these past few days. i'm totally stopping for more coffee on my way to work...

kitty, cont.

2009-06-15T07:59:00.004-04:00

man o man kitties are hyper little things. i locked the kitty in the bathroom last night so that my cat could have reign over the bedroom, but the kitty started crying at around 2 or 3. luckily for me her cries are pretty quiet, but i felt so bad about shutting her out. at around 5 i kicked the cat out and let the kitty in, but that was a mistake, because the kitty just went hyperactive on me, jumping everywhere. so i kicked her back to the bathroom! she is going to be some work, but she is so darn cute. hopefully by the time she's 1 she'll be much calmer.

maybe it was from all the waking up, but i was starving when i got up this morning. and i knew just what i wanted... waffles + maple syrup.

with almond butter & banana, blueberries & raspberries

the kitty ate next to nothing yesterday, and threw up her antibiotics (getting over an upper respiratory infection) so i went out to the pet store yesterday to try to find the most enticing cat/kitty food. i got her "solid gold blended tuna"-- a favorite of my cat's but something i won't give to her too often because cats are best on non-fish proteins for the mostpart. and well, this was a huge hit. she finished off most of the 3 oz. can.

yeah, i spoil my kitties!

i'm not sure whether to confine the little monster to my bathroom, where i'm fairly sure she can't get into anything but isn't real happy, or let her into my bedroom as well, where there's a much higher risk of destruction. i may come home early to check on her...

meow.

a lot of posts today!

2009-06-14T18:22:00.004-04:00

i just finished dinner at 6:22! i was hungry and figured there was no point in waiting for a certain "dinnertime." leftovers were even better than yesterday... i think the bacon/tomato had a chance to meld together and bring out the smokiness. super yum!

i put corn (raw/sweet) in my salad and tossed it with honey mustard vinaigrette.

this weekend was sort of bittersweet--

the sweet:

KITTY!
on track with food
had a fun friday night with the group from work
enjoyed chatting with my friend last night
went for a nice run

the bitter:

feel disconnected
and sad
and lonely
and fat (but i'm dealing with this one OK because i know it's my period that is making me feel especially icky right now)
really want a FRIEND to hang out with more often/who i feel comfortable talking to
my cat hates the kitty (but i'm still hopefully that will change... i'm following all the expert advice to make them friends)

and so i'm both happy and sad to go back to work tomorrow. although eek, i'm scared about leaving the kitty alone for so long!

KITTY VIDEO!

2009-06-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

serious sandwich

2009-06-14T12:32:00.002-04:00

spinach-feta chicken sausage with extra feta & catsup on whole foods harvest grain bread, carrots.

and a piece of dark chocolate to complete the meal!

kitty kitty kitty

2009-06-14T07:12:00.003-04:00

my friend was supposed to come over for dinner last night-- i was going to cook for her-- but then she wasn't feeling well, so i ended up cooking anyway. and THEN... just as i began eating, another friend called to say hi, and i asked if she had eaten (it was 7:30 by then) and she hadn't... which would have been perfect except i forgot that she was a vegetarian (oops!) and i had used bacon in the recipe... she came over later to talk and play with the kitty though .

anyway, i made a recipe i've been wanting to try for a while: cheese-gilded linguine with smoky tomatoes. i halved the recipe and used slightly less pasta, but i still have lots of leftovers. i think this was the first time i've cooked bacon, ever! the pasta was supposed to still look cheesy-- i tossed 6-7 oz. pasta with 1/2 c parm BEFORE adding on the sauce mixture (the key to the recipe)-- but the pasta kind of absorbed the cheese. maybe it was because i used spaghetti instead of linguine (i used whole wheat and didn't see whole wheat linguine at the store). oh well, it was still delicious.

served with a salad w/ cherry tomatoes and goddess dressing

and now, enjoying a leisurely yet early breakfast. i didnt sleep all that well last night, although i don't THINK it was the cat/kitten that woke me up. the kitty has been crying a bit when i leave her alone (she really wants to explore the apartment but my cat would eat her) but her cries are so soft that behind a closed door they aren't all that noticeable.

strawberries, blueberries, cinnamon-raisin english muffin, almond butter, pumpkin butter (on one), banana, cottage cheese. the basics!

not sure what i'm up to today. i think i'll go for a run (but perhaps inside?!?!) and i may invite my friend over if she's feeling better. i'm happy that it's sunday and i don't really have to do anything! except play with the kitty, of course!

belle. . . meet sebastian

2009-06-13T17:46:00.004-04:00

belle:

and her new furry friend, sebastian:

(and some glamour shots)

sebastian is a girl, but i just could not resist having belle & sebastian as a pair - http://www.belleandsebastian.com if you didn't get the reference.

i'm pleased to discover that sebastian is extreeeeeeemely affectionate-- it was a bit difficult to tell with all of the other cats around. she's very excited to have so much attention. she's only 6.5 months now, and very cute!

i'm less pleased with the fact that belle hates sebastian, but the adoption specialists told me that would be the case for at least a couple of days, because i've brought someone new into HER space. belle has been hissing, even separated by a room and 10 feet from sebastian!

my biggest challenge will be how to feed sebastian, because she just nibbles, while belle scarfs. for now it's not a problem because i'm forced to quarantine sebastian from belle anyway... poor thing!

it feels a bit like a zoo in here...

and the company pays again. . .

2009-06-12T22:27:00.004-04:00

so... a bunch of us went out to a tapas place for dinner after work. after a few minutes of deliberating about how we were going to order/divide up the bill, one woman, who is a director at our office, announces: ok, i'm making an executive decision. the company pays. and so, the 5 of us ended up ordering a ridiiiiiiiiiiculous amount of food. we went to the fabulous humble pie, and we ordered:

*Tempura Asparagus
sauteed red peppers, Asian ginger sauce, sesame seeds
*Spinach Tart
spinach, garlic, shallot, goat cheese, parmesan
*Fried Green Tomatoes
apple cider vinegar and bacon aioli, Swiss chard, bacon lardoons
*2 orders of: Tuna Tostada
marinated cabbage, rare seared ahi tuna, wasabi mayo, sweet soy, tobiko
*Shrimp and Grits
broth of the gods
*Oven Roasted Mahi Mahi
smoked gouda, potato au gratin, roasted red pepper-caper relish
*Seared Sea Scallops
creamy garlic polenta, grape tomato relish, basil verjus vinaigrettes, crispy shallots, cilantro, spicy Asian bbq, sirachi
*Chicken and Dumplings
*2 orders of: Chicken Enchiladas
corn tortilla, tomato sauce, queso fresco, lime sour cream, spinach chiffonade
*Braised Short Rib Tostadas
lettuce, tomato, lime, jalapeno, cilantro, chipotle mayo, charred salsa verdehick pea salsa, spinach chiffonade, sweet tomato and chipotle sauce

i picked the scallops, which were probably my favorite of everything, although i didn't try the short rib tostados or the chicken enchiladas. i did try everything else though! and while i feel like i ate slightly more than i would have at home, i don't feel stuffed, as i ate small portions of everything. plus i didn't order any alcohol (everyone else did), both because i felt wined out after 1.5 glasses on wednesday night (seriously!) and because i thought i might have just slightly less clarity if i had added alcohol on top of all the food. i did notice that a couple of the people ate a LOT (we finished almost everything!), and i think everyone had 2 drinks (margheritas/beers/wine). and i felt a bit odd in observing, because i felt completely satisfied after what i had eaten (and perhaps just a tad overful) and really wondered how eating more could have been a positive experience for the others, because it would not have been for me. i felt good actually, that i was able to listen to my hunger and respond to it appropriately.

afterwards, we dropped the international guests off at a bar to meet some others from work, and the 3 of us "boring people" decided to stop for water ice. i had just enough room for a kid's size, and it was a perfect end to the evening .

and now i am thinking about this kitten, which i am going to go visit tomorrow...

night!

no title for thursday

2009-06-11T07:55:00.004-04:00

wow, my run was tough this morning! i'm guessing it was because i drank wine last night and no water... i always forget to drink water. my body image is... crappy?! right now, but i'm assuming/hoping it's b/c my period is on its way. i seriously hate my cycle.

i'm being good though, no skimping. my breakfast was a winner:

ezekiel sprouted english muffin, maranatha crunchy almond butter, banana, cottage cheese, kiwi + apricot

i think i may go to the farmer's market this weekend since i go through so. much. fruit!

i'm feeling "what next?" a lot these days. re: recovery, relationships, work, life... anyone else feel the same way?

since i haven't been taking lunch pics recently...

kalamata-artichoke hummus + sliced cucumber sandwich on oatmeal bread, pb pretzels (since the sandwich is rather wimpy/protein deficient), cherries

and an afternoon snack:

plain chobani, puffins & raisins to mix in

and now i'm late for work.

oops, forgot to post!

2009-06-10T22:12:00.003-04:00

i was out last night (knitting night...) and i forgot to post this morning. i had this:

... and now i'm just spending a few minutes typing in bed before i pass out. i went out with our british/irish guests once again, this time to the classy coquette, where we sipped red wine and munched on fresh bread & butter... and then i ordered duck confit crêpes: petit pois, pearl onions, almonds, cherry gastrique. YUM. i'm feeling guilty/full, because i ate more than i usually do, plus the wine, but i'm reminding myself that everyone enjoys a meal out occasionally. i had a square of dark chocolate almost immediately after coming home (it really does go so well with red wine).

zzZZzzZzzZZZzzzz

rushed.

2009-06-09T08:01:00.002-04:00

i never seem to have enough time in the morning. i'm currently gulping while typing while thinking about what i can pack for lunch so that i make it to my nutritionist appointment on time.

my breakfast bowl didn't really hit this spot this morning. i think it was too much like dessert! plus i think i really do prefer oatbran over oats.

1/3 c oats, 1/3 c water, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk
1/2 banana
1/2 coconut creme larabar
12 chocolate chips
tsp blueberry jam
large spoonful almond butter

wish i had time to do my hair. oh wells.

camera does not do this cutie justice!

2009-06-08T21:11:00.002-04:00

my camera has lost its pizazz. what happened to the crisp/colortrue pics? i know, i've complained about this before, and i'm complaining again. the wall behind the bag is nearly white in real life. the button is an awesome leather-swirled magenta, as you can sort of see in the last pic. i made this guy in a day and a half!

now if only i could find a job related to crochet. . . . .

hungry/lazy

2009-06-08T18:57:00.003-04:00

the dilemma: i got home at 6 and i was too hungry. i had wanted to cook tonight, but since i never got to my afternoon snack (stuck in a 2+ hour long meeting), i didn't really have the patience to prepare anything involved. i really needed something as soon as i walked in the door though, so i pulled out some pita & hummus. i started getting nervous about how much i had eaten (probably 200 or so calories) and contemplated forgoing a real dinner, but then i decided that what i really wanted was the fastest "adequate" (as my nutritionist would say) dinner possible, followed by a quick cleanup and some therapeutic reading in bed in my freshly laundered sheets.

not gourmet, but certainly adequate:

leftover ravioli (not much left), subsidized by a cut-up artichoke-feta chicken sausage, smothered in roasted veggie sauce and topped with parm, frozen broccoli w/ s&p&parm

bbbye.

mondays are like tuesdays and tuesdays are like wednesdays

2009-06-08T08:05:00.003-04:00

didn't feel like posting last night... i ended up eating a bunch of smaller snacks rather than dinner (hummus & pita, baby carrots, string cheese, blueberries, among other things), as i initially didn't really want dinner. i had a frappuccino while out and about running errands in the afternoon, and it filled me up more than i thought it would. i was conscious of the fact that my dinnersnacks could lead to trouble, but i kept myself busy with my latest crochet project, and all ended well.

on the breakfast menu: cinn-maple waffles, maple almond butter, banana, cherries, kiwi!

oh look, weekend's over...

repeat lunch

2009-06-07T13:27:00.002-04:00

or well almost a repeat (of yesterday's). i kept the sandwich cold/non-melty today though. and i used dubliner cheese, which was mild, but nice.

i'm off to run the errands that i didn't get to yesterday.

wow, this post is utterly boring. on a cheery note, i started this bag, and it's going to be super cute!

sunday morning nap?!

2009-06-07T09:17:00.004-04:00

i'm quite sleepy right now... went to bed at midnight, woke up at 6 and then got up at 7 for a run... if it wasn't for the amazing breakfast i'm having right now, i'd probably be back in bed. i'm often torn-- do i use sunday to catch up on sleep? or to actually enjoy having time off/spending the time conscious?

my run worked up quite an appetite, and i started thinking about what i wanted to have for breakfast after about the halfway point . and i must say, this is one of my most delicious bowls to date:

wallaby vanilla bean yogurt
large handful synergy flakes
large handful granola
10 or so cherries, pitted & halved
handful blueberries
1/2 banana
ALMOND BUTTER

i took our company's international visitors out last night-- 1 from ireland, 1 from the uk--to dinner and then to the grocery store to get a few essentials (they are staying in a company apartment). i always seem to forget how different food can be across the atlantic. we went to lilly's pizza for dinner (fab place, which happens to be about 1 mile from the apartment), and after scanning the menu for at least 10 minutes, overwhelmed, one of them asked me, "so, what are pies?" no wonder they were overwhelmed . and then the idea of things like potatoes/pineapple/corn/chicken/etc. on pizza totally blew them. so we settled on a fairly plain (but still delicious) pie, and when i suggested we share the tofu salad (spinach, basil, grilled tofu, dried cherries, roasted pecans, toasted almonds, fontina cheese, homemade croutons), both guests asked me what tofu was! but they were both very open to trying new things, so we ordered it, and they ended up really enjoying it!

i also noticed that it's no longer a big deal for me to go to that pizza place, or any place, really. so i can definitely see the progress i've made...

quick post

2009-06-06T15:14:00.003-04:00

pretty quiet day so far, but that's ok. i got up after 7 hours of sleep and realized that was a mistake 2 hours later, so i went back to bed for an hour. breakfast, which i didn't feel like blogging about, running, crocheting, lunch.....

toasted cheddar and smoked turkey melt w/ mayo & mustard, red bell pepper + carrots, cottage cheese

i decided that i needed an acccesory while getting dressed today, and quickly whipped this out. and i love it!

close-up. the bracelet is actually made of chains, as you can see in the bottom pic:

off to run errands (bank, cat food, toilet paper) and get home in time to pick up our irish visitor from the airport. ciao!

splurge dinner!

2009-06-05T19:37:00.002-04:00

i stopped to pick up a few grocery essentials at whole foods (cottage cheese!), and realized, just before heading to the checkout, that i was quite hungry. so i spent $12 on a gourmet dinner. i figure it's still cheaper than eating out, and the quality is awesome. plus, i get a free dinner tomorrow (i'm taking out a visitor who flies in from ireland tomorrow, and so, the company pays) so i figure it all evens out. really, i shouldn't feel guilty about $12.

and i was staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving. i didn't wait to blog... i seriously ate my dinner in 5 minutes. usually i eat moderate to slow-paced, but i just ate voraciously. my spinach-walnut-gorgonzola salad was definitely made with more oil/cheese/walnuts than usual (i've bought this salad many a time before) and well, i didn't care.

spinach-walnut-gorgonzola-red onion salad, salmon with mango salsa (warmed), grilled pineapple salad (so good!)

and i'm contemplating a piece of toast because i feel like starch was missing, and i'm craving it, although i'm pretty satisfied as far as my hunger levels go.

mmmm....

and more mmmm.....

maybe i'm pmsing or something, but i've been crazy starving all day.

sleepover!

2009-06-05T08:06:00.003-04:00

my sister stayed over last night after going to the DECEMBERISTS concert. it was awesome, and i fed her well, too .

it was rainy, so we had homemade bengali lentil stew (pulled from freezer) + kashi honey flax crackers + hummus before leaving for the show:

the show was rockin'. these aren't my pics, because i stupidly forgot my camera, but i found some online that are pretty close. i colin.

and now, enjoying a normal breakfast for me, and a "fancy" one for my sister!

tgif!

3-2-1-go!

2009-06-04T07:53:00.002-04:00

i feel like this morning has been unusually hectic. from 6a.m. when my alarm when off, i've ben on the go: get up, change into running clothes, run out the door, run 30 min, come home, brush teeth, take shower/get dressed, set up coffee, make tuna salad, pack lunch, make breakfast, blog/eat breakfast, send a couple emails for work, get to therapy appt....

normally this is pretty typical, so i think i must be dragging behind on sleep, because this is all seeming quite challenging. and/or maybe because i got in last night at 9:15 (after hanging out with some local knitters--i am a dork) and basically had time to eat and go to bed. i definitely need some unwinding time (introvert!).

anyways, i am SUPER excited to go see the decemberists in concert tonight. YEAH! i'm meeting up with my sister after work today and we're going together. i'll be playing their music all day long to get me pumped up (er well, in between meetings)!

i bought more cherries yesterday! i thought i was going to take a break from them, but they were $2.99/lb and i couldn't resist. and so good! breakfast:

ezekiel sprouted grain english muffin, almond butter/banana/blueberry preserves (on one), cherries & blueberries

i snapped a pic of my lunch packed... i think maybe i was feeling more rushed this morning because i was prepping lunch while hungry for breakfast:

tuna-corn salad (corn replaces the crunch of celery* and adds some sweetness, try it! made with fresh--raw--corn cut off the cobb, i actually prefer it that way in salads), red bell pepper, small amount choped onion, mix of mayo & chobani plain, s & p, dried basil, to stuff in a toasted whole wheat pita, carrot sticks, 2 fig "newmans"

* and i didn't have any celery

i looked in my fridge this morning and realized i was almost all out of yogurt (1/2 a chobani and 1 wallaby left, plus 1 yogurt at work) and i'm all out of cottage cheese . how did i let that happen?!

thursday already?

lemony

2009-06-03T07:40:00.002-04:00

man i was starrrrving when i woke up this morning. i wonder if it was because i ate dinner earlier than usual lat night? i had had a piece of chocolate later, but no real snack (which was fine by the way - i didn't get hungry).

i was dreaming about oat bran while in the shower, and decided on a lemon theme:

1/3 c oatbran, 1/3 c vanilla soymillk, 2/3 c water
1/2 banana, handful dried cherries (cooked in)
couple drops lemon extract

toppings:

a few candied walnuts
1/2 lemon larabar
extra generous spoonful almond butter

.. and a yellow mug to match the lemonyness...

mmmmmm....

feeling calm

2009-06-02T18:41:00.002-04:00

10-min dinner: whole foods 4-cheese ravioli w/ roasted veg sauce & grated parm, herbed greens salad w/ baby carrots, bell pepper, pomegranate seeds, shaved parm, & honey-mustard vinaigrette

it's quite refreshing to be eating at 6:30 rather than 8:30. i was hungry, and now i'm looking forward to a quiet evening and (hopefully) an early bedtime.

yum...

2009-06-02T07:41:00.002-04:00

zzZzzZZzZzzZzz. i am quite enjoying my coffee this morning. i had an awesome time last night with my friend from work... we went to babymoon where we shared a pizza & salad, and then to her house to play with her adorable cat, and then to rita's for a kid-sized water ice (i had the banana cream ice, and for those of you who don't know what water ice is... you poor things).

and i wouldn't/shouldn't be all that tired now, but i forced myself to get up at 6 and go for a run this morning. it was definitely a disordered decision vs. a healthy one (i ran yesterday morning as well). i rationalize by telling myself 'well, it sure beats other kinds of disordered behaviors', and while that is true (at least as far as the physical effects on my body), it's still unhealthy (at least, mentally).

still, the weather was beautiful (still barely crisp at 6 in the morning), and i fueled myself with a granola bar before heading out. and now... some almond butter...

flax waffles w/ banana, almond butter, and a smidgen of pumpkin butter on 1, pumpkin seeds, mango, and the rest of the once huge bag of cherries

i'll post some non-breakfast pics here eventually... but i'm running late and haven't packed lunch yet... i think i'm going to do a laughing cow + bell pepper sandwich and a side of cottage cheese and veggie chips - you can picture it yourself! laterZzzZz!

this bowl has got it goin' on!

2009-06-01T07:44:00.002-04:00

the awesome mix:

container chobani plain
couple handfuls kashi golean
couple handfuls granola
the rest of my strawberries
couple spoonfuls pomegranate seeds!
2 candied walnuts, broken up
drizzle pumpkin butter
spoonful almond butter

my run was hard this morning, so this was perfect!

i didn't get enough of my cleaning done yesterday, but i did succeed in setting up a storage system for (some of) my yarn. the contents of the bottom drawer were actually just given to me by a really nice woman who works at the yarn store. still, it's a lot! most of this is leftover from projects though, and not really enough to make an entire sweater or something.

i have an entire cabinet of yarn as well, but that stuff is cheap michael's yarn before the real obsession hit...

mmm that breakfast made me happy. if only i could go take a nap now... happy monday, everyone!

sunday night blues...

2009-05-31T20:22:00.002-04:00

i'm sad that it is sunday night. this weekend started out a bit rough, but my mood improved today, and now i wish i had some more time. i've been feeling lonely... should have called my friend f. to see if she wanted to get together.

i didn't even realize it was 8:30 now... i'm only halfway through dinner. i finally got the motivation to clean my apartment at around 5:30 today (nothing beats procrastination) and by the time i settled down i was quite hungry.

i made an omelet/frittata. eggs still intimidate me, but this turned out awesome. i took pics along the way:

first i sauteed up some chopped onion in a bit of olive oil (for a minute or two), then i added sliced shitake mushrooms (fancy!) and the rest of my asparagus from last week (tops of maybe 7-8 stalks?). the mixture seemed a bit dry so i put in a few T of water to sizzle things up. everything cooked nicely:

next i took the veggies out of the pan, and added in a mix of 3 eggs, 1/4c milk, s & p... when the bottom was mostly cooked i added the veggies on top, and topped with a slice of cheddar, crumbled:

... put the pan under the broiler, just for about a minute...

voila! this cooks really quickly because, well, it was half cooked before going into the oven, but also because it's much thinner than a frittata would be.

i folded the fromelette over and attempted to make triangle slices, but i pretty much failed on that. however, the taste was right on!

served w/ buttered toast

cleanup, laundry, and sigh, another weekend is over.

you know you gotta run the dishwasher when. . .

2009-05-31T13:03:00.004-04:00

... you use chopsticks for your fruit! although, this was kind of fun (and my chopsticks are adorable)!

these are small bagels (2oz./150cal) so i toasted up 3 halves. i like that they are small though, because i can have a whole bagel even if i don't want something big.

rudi's cinnamon-raisin bagel(s), cream cheese, 1 w/ pumpkin butter, 1 w/ strawberry jam (i used to eat cream cheese and jam on bagels alllllll the time growing up), cherries (making my way through the huge bag), strawberries

i'm attempting to make today productive. i'm off to target to find some sort of storage solution for my never-ending supply of yarn...

crochet, cont.

2009-05-30T18:14:00.002-04:00

my day was frightfully unproductive, save for a couple unique crochet projects...

a necklace (quite trendy i think!):

... and a headband, which i'm not sure i'll wear. maybe, though.

frenzy!

2009-05-30T09:11:00.002-04:00

i stopped my crochet frenzy just now to make some breakfast... but i didn't bother to clear the table . i started on a quick "instant gratification" project (something i can finish this morning-- i'll post it if it looks any good!). my apartment is a mess, but i think that will be tomorrow's activity. today i plan on crocheting, grocery shopping, running, and chilling .

breakfast included all of my favorite things: banana, almond butter, pumpkin butter, caramelized walnuts, cottage cheese, cherries, and strawberries!

hope everyone is having a good weekend so far!

sleepy, full, anxious, guilty

2009-05-29T23:18:00.003-04:00

i feel like i kept eating tonight. i'm trying to remind myself that eating slightly more for a day is fiiiiine, but that's easier to say than to believe. i had a delicious mocha for latte day, at around 3, but by 7 i was ready for dinner. i popped a tempeh-potato-veggie-stuffed red bell pepper in the oven (made a while back), surrounded by roasted veggie tomato sauce.

i ate half of the enormous pepper, covered in parmesan:

stuffing made w/ peas, carrots, corn, tempeh, onions, tamari, veg broth, potatoes, sage, and seasonings...

after dinner i wanted something sweet, so i had an orange and a piece of 70% dark chocolate...

and then at 10, while watching tv, i wanted something salty... so i had some mini pretzels... probably a serving or slightly more (i got tired of taking pics).

actually, looking at this now, it seems more normal than before i started writing this post. i'm not going to get worked up over 150 or so calories of pretzels........

i'm making good progress on my sweater (not the one shown in last night's blog-- that one is in queue!). only around 2000 more stitches until i can sew the thing together and start on the lacy bottom/cuffs. i think the lace should go much quicker... we shall see. the sweater i'm working on now is the one here:

i'm slightly obsessed with sweater making right now!

same but different

2009-05-28T20:09:00.003-04:00

my nutritionist often reminds me now that when i have symptoms, they may appear on the surface the same as in the past when i was entrenched in my disorder, but they are actually quite different. yesterday, AFTER receiving a clean bill of health from my dentist (no cavities, strong teeth!) i slipped up (binged/purged).... but at around 8 p.m. i suddenly felt famished. i knew i hadn't really had dinner, and there was a time when i wouldn't have even contemplated it. but i decided to pretend-- as far as my nutritional needs-- that nothing had happened, and that meant that the next step was to have dinner. so i quickly prepared this:

"tastybite " madras lentils + spoonful chobani, ezekiel sprouted grain english muffin, carrots, bell pepper

later, i had a peach... and a square of chocolate (not pictured!)...

i do not want to forget or ignore the fact that i used symptoms, but what is important-- and different than the past-- is that i am able to jump right back into recovery work. i definitely had a lot of guilt while eating dinner last night, as if i really shouldn't have allowed myself... but i know where that judgmental thinking gets me...

i woke up sleepy this morning, but wanted to stick with the concept that recovery is an active process and that a slip does not have to mean a step backwards, so i got up and went for a run as i had planned. i had 2 medjool dates before i left for a sweet boost of energy. turns out dates actually have fiber, potassium, and calcium, among other things (i figured i was only getting sugar).

my run was challenging, but rewarding. i made my breakfast on a dinner plate this morning, and for a moment stopped to question whether this was too much food. i often ask myself if "normal people" eat breakfasts like this... but then i remember that it doesn't really matter. a hearty breakfast has been working for me, and thus far has not made me fat .

ezekiel english muffin (i eat a LOT of these!) w/ almond butter + banana, cottage cheese, strawberries & cherries

my cat has been enjoying the view... that's the top of my fridge to the right, so yup, she's up pretty high!

off to see my therapist to process all this even more. and... it's FRIDAY (afternoon) LATTE DAY! it's been weeks since my friend at work and i have been able to do this, since one or both of us have been out, so i'm looking forward to it!

what is happening to my camera?!?!

2009-05-28T07:51:00.003-04:00

all my pics are blurry or rather more like "dusty" looking. i bought my camera back in january, and it was both highly rated/not cheap, so this should not be happening. maybe the lens is just dirty? i might have to find a camera shop around here where i can bring it in. argh!

this morning's less-than-crisp photo:

stove-top oats:

1/3 c oats, 1/3 c water, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk
1/2 banana
1 T flax
1/2 walnut-date kind bar
heaping tsp pumpkin butter
big spoonful almond butter

and cherries!

mmmm i . i just wish you could choose how much you wanted to buy, rather than having to buy a pre-measured bag, because the bags are usually huge! they were on sale for $4.99/lb yesterday at whole foods, and i tried to find a smallish bag, but it still ended up costing $7. that's a whole lotta cherries! but somehow i think i'll manage .

so i've found my next next crochet project! ha! this was in the new SPRING issue of interweave crochet (i really need to get a subscription). i "borrowed" the magazine from the store last night to look through. i love this pattern-- simple but unique.

ha, and the model is wearing SEVENS (jeans). see, crochet + fashion really do mix!!!

i found this next pic online-- someone who already made it! i absolutely adore it in red, so i am going to look for a similar yarn. although i won't be starting this for a while... i'm only about 1/3 to 1/2way through my current sweater...

dEnTiSt this afternoon! i would be très nervous but since i went 6 months ago and didn't have any cavities/damage, i'm not too scared... overall i've been much much (much) healthier than in the past, and i don't think intermittent symptoms would have caused any damage. i'm so thankful that i was blessed with strong teeth... i have no clue how i escaped any damage given how active my disorder has been at times over the years. expect a full report later!

irritated.

2009-05-27T21:35:00.003-04:00

my crochet class ended tonight @ 8:30... and it was then that 3 of the students decided it was time to shop. suddenly i had to clean up, wind 4 balls of yarn, look up prices, calculate sales tax... and no one asked if it was OK to stay. i really should have said "i don't deal with the sales (which is true), you'll have to come back another day... someone would be happy to help and to wind your yarn." but nope, i ran around for 20 minutes trying to get everything done as quickly as possible, and keeping my irritation to myself.

what's the big deal about 20 minutes? well normally it would be nothing, but it was 8:50 p.m., and i was tired, and i hadn't had dinner (i had a 12 oz. decaf latte just before the class, but i really wasn't hungry for a meal then).

i wasn't even sure if i was hungry when i got home but i knew i had to eat something, and i actually wanted something a bit less "dinnerlike" than most days... so i threw this together in 2 min:

newly opened package of pastrami (haven't had in a looong time) + spanish aged mahon cheese + mustard on a rudi's bun, cottage cheese + blueberries

this actually hit the spot... not too heavy, quick, and satisfying.

i think i have a new favorite cottage cheese - friendship 4% california style. i recently discovered the joy of full fat cottage cheese. it's really not all that unhealthy, and i have no reason to go for the lower fat if i enjoy this stuff more. take that, stupid disorder!

and now it is practically bedtime. at least it should be. but whenever i am on the go from 6 a.m. until late i feel like the day has been stolen from me, and i want some time to myself...

snooze tempatations

2009-05-27T07:28:00.004-04:00

the snooze button was realllllllly tempting this morning, but i decided that if i didn't get up and get in some exercise i'd regret it come after work while heading to my evening crochet class to sit on my butt yet some more. and i gotta admit, this run was HARD! just my usual approx. 3-mile run, but i think i may not have been fully hydrated (i woke up thirsty last night) and i've stupidly not been getting enough sleep. i was quite happy to return to the apartment for a shower/breakfast, but i'm definitely still glad i went out.

i couldn't decide on what i wanted for breakfast though. i finally ended up picking cereal, which i usually don't pick because: a) i eat it too fast and suddenly breakfast is gone, and b) all the liquid-- since i require a large cup of coffee with breakfast-- sometimes makes me feel overly full. i do feel quite full now that i've finished, but that will go away fairly quickly, and it was a nice change. i have a lot of cereal in my pantry, so i should probably eat it more often... but it doesn't really seem to go stale in the airtight containers i use.

i was only able to decide on cereal once i smeared some almond butter on 1/2 of a banana...

mix pb puffins, heritage flakes, and ezekiel cereal + vanilla soymilk + frozen cherries, aforementioned banana + almond butter, peach

i haven't packed lunch yet, and i think i'm too lazy to snap any more pictures (i don't know how true full time bloggers do it! or well, i guess i do since i snapped practically every mouthful for a while, but it gets tiring!).

on another note, what does everyone think of this sweater (as a possible future project)? i know my sister is going to say EW, BOW! but i kind of like it...

EDIT!

2009-05-26T20:54:00.002-04:00

it wasn't THIS SOAP that i accidentally consumed yesterday, it was THIS SOAP. i was just washing dishes now and i nearly gagged just smelling it.

the irony is that i had been looking for a basil or rosemary dish soap for awhile now, and now i think i'm going to have to give it away (the bottle is nearly full) and buy something else, because i can't even deal with smell the stuff without tasting it on my tongue... EW.

randomness

2009-05-26T20:11:00.004-04:00

i didn't eat deliberately tonight... but i think everything lined up quite... OK.

i had about 3 oz. coffee / 3 oz. vanilla soymilk when i got home (odd, but i was sleepy)...

at around 6 i ate the remaining 1/2 of the sweet potato from last night (cold, luv it that way)...

at around 6:30 i ate the remaining 2 oz. salmon from last night. realized that was a pathetic amount of protein and added a chicken sausage...

not sure why i didn't just round out the meal then but i waited a while, and then at around 7 i heated up some leftover asparagus...

and now at 8, i'm eating a peach.

so, let's review: starch + veggie + protein + fat + fruit. quite normal quantities. but it didn't really feel organized. i think maybe i was trying to escape dinner in the first place, and that didn't quite work.

no real harm...

30seconds. . .

2009-05-26T07:54:00.004-04:00

. . . is about how long i have to write this post. i have an appointment with my nutritionist and then i have back to back to back to back to back to back meetings at work. BOO! and one of those meetings was just requested by our president/c.o.o. way to begin the week...

my food is pretty today, so i have just enough time to show it off!

bfast: boring (or at least repetitive) but delish. i threw in some plain greek yogurt for variety.

ezekiel sprouted english muffin, almond butter, banana, chobani plain greek yogurt, blackberries+blueberries+strawberries, yada yada yada

i think my camera lens is dirty... the pics just aren't as crisp as they used to be

and for lunch. . . tempeh+avocado sandwich with sweet ginger chili sauce (becoming addicted to the stuff-- it's great on everything) on my mom's fab bread. + red bell pepper and carrots:

my lunch looks slightly smaller than usual (damn just realized i could have packed leftover cold sweet potato!) so i brought a sweet snack:

cherries (pitted! lunch prep takes a while sometimes!) + puffins

ok GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think today is going to be as fast-paced as this post!

blargh!

2009-05-25T20:25:00.003-04:00

so i decided that my gourmet dinner deserved a gourmet dessert... and so i whipped out my immersion blender and blended together 2 T vanilla soymilk + 1 frozen banana to make a pseudo ice cream.

topped with a few salted peanuts and surrounded by blackberries, i was impressed...

that is, until i spotted what i assumed to be a dab of frozen banana stuck to my palm and licked it off. nope, not banana... burt's bees citrus & ginger root hand soap. let me give y'all a sound piece of advice: DON'T EAT THIS STUFF. we all know what ear wax and bugurs and medicine/pill coating tastes like, but trust me guys, this was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse. ew ew ew ew ew. ew.

salmon, it's whats for dinner

2009-05-25T19:32:00.002-04:00

i had a late lunch out with my sister (neomonde... mmm tabouli-hummus-ganouj-stuffed pita, a stuffed grapeleaf, and a delicious piece of fresh walnut baklava split between the 2 of us) and so i wanted something super simple for dinner. i knew i had a sweet potato at home, so i stopped off @ whole foods on my way home and splurged on a beautiful piece of salmon and some asparagus. i poached the salmon in water+wine vinegar+sliced lemon+thyme and topped it with a small amount of sweet ginger chili sauce, and broiled the asparagus for about 8 min, tossed w/ 1.5 tsp olive oil, salt, pepper. 10 min prep time, and no cleanup!

simple, and satisfying:

this was 4 oz. salmon, and i have 2 oz. left, which i'm currently pondering how i can stretch into some sort of salmon salad for lunch tomorrow...

i'm feeling much better today. i really have to remember that feeding myself well and treating myself gently helps in a lot of ways. . . . .

yay for arts & crafts!

2009-05-25T13:21:00.002-04:00

i bought my sister a cool pair of earrings for her bday, and while shopping for them, i got some ideas for making my own. i can't wear anything even slightly heavy on my ears, but i've learned that there are some cool, featherweight earrings out there... and if you are making your own, the possibilities are endless!

i got dressed today and put on a turquoise/silver belt (just about the only clothing/accessory that i acquired from my mother's terrible closet) and thought, hmmmm it's been a while since i've made any jewelry......

20 minutes later i had these:

hanging proudly!

these take about 3 minutes to make and probably cost roughly $3-4 (the hooks are silver). the similar ones i saw in the store were $18!

out to lunch with the sis.

alright, still

2009-05-25T10:46:00.002-04:00

ok, so there was a stupid setback last night, but have no fear, i'm back and i'm thriving. every once in a while slips are a GOOD thing for me, because when they don't "work" in the sense of providing any sort of satisfaction, and they don't hold any power over me (as in, i don't want to continue that sh**), then they act as a sort of motivator for recovery. i'm feeling oddly confident and motivated this morning, and i'm not sure i would be that way if i had not tested the waters last night and found out, once again, what i'm not missing out on.

i went out this morning to feed my friend's cat (i'm catsitting) and on my way back decided i wanted a fresh and chewy bagel for breakfast. so i stopped off at panera (open on memorial day!) and got breakfast to go...

cinnamon crunch, the best bagel ever:

with coffee (i figured i'd buy it to be super lazy - plus i was quite hungry and didn't feel like waiting for my coffee to brew), cream cheese, and strawberries/cherries (from home!).

i'm not sure what i'm up to today... i think i'll run and crochet and possibly clean...

look at all the food groups. . .

2009-05-24T13:04:00.004-04:00

phew! i wanted everything for lunch just now... just got back from a 6 mile hike at the state park.

i'm really happy with the care i took to make this lunch... really only around 10 minutes... it has all kinds of flavors and textures:

wild rice tempeh + avocado + sweet ginger chili sauce on my mom's fab artisan multigrain bread w/ walnuts
carrots, red bell pepper
chobani plain + heart2heart
an orange

better than any meal out!

after the hike, shower, lunch... i think a nap may be in order soon...

no sleeping in for me!

2009-05-24T07:28:00.003-04:00

awake @ 7 on a sunday?! tragic. but at least i can take a nap later if i want to. i didn't sleep all that well last night so i got up and made coffee/breakfast.

i'm off to umstead state park in a couple of hours for a nice hike, and i'm looking forward to it. i haven't run since thursday, but i did go for a 3-mile walk yesterday. walking is nice too.

i craved one of my usual breakfasts this morning: ezekiel english muffin, almond butter/banana, fruit (blueberries, strawberries, cherries - i love summer berries!). plus a calcium/mag/zinc and b50 complex (woot, look at me!!!!). actually, i know quite little about vitamins but my nutritionist recommended them... i figure my body can definitely use a calcium boost since my bone density is already substandard.

pretty pretty fruit...

oh and, i need to clean the apartment... funnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

the perfect salad

2009-05-23T18:38:00.003-04:00

i love when my fridge happens to have all the ingredients for a killer salad:

aged mahon cheese (spanish-- like a tangy/firmer cheddar) - about an oz.
strawberries - 2 large
blueberries - $2.50 for a PINT! - large handful
avocado - roughly 1/3
caramelized walnuts - 3-4, broken up
wild rice tempeh - approx 2 oz., cut into cubes
herbed spring mix (w/ dill, parsely, cilantro)
1-2 T lowfat honey mustard dressing

... and a side of terra exotic harvest sea salt chips. i haven't had veggie chips in a long time, and i was sold on these when i saw that they had kabocha squash, as i only first heard about kabocha YESTERDAY while reading burpandslurp.

i've been feeling lonely today/tonight, and so i'm trying to treat myself as lovingly as possible, and this beautiful salad helped-- i know i need to be very deliberate with my food when i'm feeling lonely so that the disorder is not an option.

my cat is apparently needing some comfort too... she rarely chooses her "catbowl" on her own volition unless i happen to be sitting on the couch beside it. i'm pleased to see her in it though... my modern cat furniture purchase is actually getting some use...

i startled her (gently!) to get her head to pop out for a picture...

alright, off to blockbuster to rent me some HOUSE, because i need something to do!

yes, it's been WAY too long!

2009-05-22T08:02:00.003-04:00

i had just taken the first bite out of my breakfast this morning when marilyn commented:

It's officially been way too long. POST SOMETHING!!

so i present to you, today's partially eaten breakfast:

flax waffles, raw almond butter, banana, pumpkin butter, mango

i don't know how i feel about blogging, which is why i drifted away. it has almost become too public at this point... not with those of you who have found my blog and can relate to the things i go through (you are why i want to continue)... but with those who i know personally who don't quite GET it (and i really hope not to offend anyone reading this). i want to be honest, and yet, there is a part of me that would rather censor/protect myself from those who i don't think can truly understand or read this without judging. and i'm not going to censor on a blog that i created for the sole purpose of opening up and being real. so that puts me in a doozie...

i'm stuck in a place now where i see my progress but am also frustrated with wanting to be further along. there have been some tough days, and lots and lots of pondering and fighting this stupid disease. but right now i'm trying hard not to JUDGE myself, because it's just another way to ignore the real stuff.

alright, a few pics...

@ the wedding, besides the beautiful bride in her traditional korean gown:

i decided to wear the dress i made! i'm glad i did, too .

a lot of work went into this... check out the bracelet my sister bought for me-- a perfect match!

and a few food pics... these are the only ones on my camera!

korean sushi (kimbap) + some type of seaweed salad (anyone know?)-- there's a korean grocery near my house and i was inspired to go there after the wedding. i korean food.

and of course, oat bran has been consumed (this was from yesterday... see, i thought about posting!).

stovetop oat bran w/ whipped banana and soymilk, topped w/ a medjool date and 1/2 of a peanut butter cookie larabar

so... i give you no promises for future posts. i'll just have to see how things go...

blogging from "home"

2009-05-09T08:29:00.003-04:00

it's not really home anymore, but it's not just "the rents' house", either.

i survived the 10 course rehearsal dinner last night, actually it wasn't all that hard... i just had tiny portions of a few things and stopped at course 6 or so.

i got a haircut after my 7 hour drive yesterday so that i wouldn't look frumpy for the dinner. i snapped one pic, but not with the bride, although i'll make sure to get one today at the wedding.

i wasn't planning on snapping food pics while here, but

a) my mom had homemade sourdough waffles in the freezer and lots of fresh pretty fruit
and
b) my mom is in the shower right now and cannot see me blogging (due to her own annoying eating issues, i can't share this blog with her)

i think my camera lens needs cleaning...

bye for now!

i'm still here!

2009-05-07T22:22:00.002-04:00

i took a hiatus, but i'm still here. i don't know what the consistency of my posting will be, but i wanted to pop in and say hi. i'm off to my parents' home tomorrow (7 hour drive) because one of my good friends is getting married. i'm excited and nervous at the same time, as both going home and the wedding may bring up some unwanted emotions. the rehearsal dinner is a TEN COURSE chinese banquet, but i'm just going to eat until i'm satisfied-- as long as i meet my needs i don't need to worry about anyone else (and really, no one cares what i do or do not eat).

i may even post some wedding pics later when i return =).

truckin'

2009-05-05T07:39:00.002-04:00

thanks for the support, guys. i'm indeed truckin' along. i did OK yesterday-- a couple extra snacks probably made up for the lack of a real breakfast.

i went on a run, somewhat sleepily this morning, but it ended up feeling great. i stole a fabulous oat bran concoction from lauren of food for living. thanks, lauren! here's what i did:

in the pot:

1/3 c oat bran
1/3 c vanilla soymilk, 2/3 c water (i usually do 1/3 c - thought i'd experiment)
1/2 banana (wish it was riper, but at least it wasn't green!)
2 T dried cranberries

mixed-in after cooking:

1 T flaxmeal
a couple drops lemon extract

toppings:

1/2 honest foods cran lemon zest bar (inspiration for the bowl!)
spoonful almond butter

the lemon extract was awesome. i added just enough to add a fresh lemonyness, but not too much to overpower the oat bran/other flavors.

today's plan: appointment, work, teaching, home by 9:15...

slacking

2009-05-04T18:47:00.004-04:00

... on the posts. i'm just really confused about everything right now, and that includes the blog. but my dinner salad was so good (and fairly creative, i think!) so i have to share:

herbed greens (baby greens w/ cilantro, parsley, dill mixed in)
fresh kernels from an ear of corn
4 strawberries
large handful blackberries
aged gouda... roughly an oz.
probably 1/3 cup or so cottage cheese
dr. praeger's california burger, heated/cooled slightly
4 or so candied walnuts crushed over top

as usual, i panicked slightly at the volume and did some quick calculations... and again as usual, i realized everything was quite reasonable. i just had my starch + veggie + protein + fat all in one, with a lot of bulky ingredients, rather than separate components to the meal.

i was quite hungry for this meal and i feel quite out of it... going to bed at 12:30 or 12:45 or whenever i hit the pillow... does not make for a fun day at work. but actually, i was quite productive today.

my body image is terrible right now. my pants are so much tighter than they used to be... i've definitely gained weight in the past couple of weeks (yes, c., i have... just wait for my weigh-in tomorrow!) and i'm just starting to freak out. life would be better if i was THIN again, right? no, i don't really believe this, but just as some days i'm sick of fighting, sometimes i just feel like it would be easier to go back to when i knew what my pain looked like. i almost did not want to go out yesterday because i felt so disgusted with my body. i often hate getting dressed in the morning, although today was a bit easier (i very intentionally chose an elastic waist skirt, which happens to be cute as well). my body image distress has been on my mind much more in the past week, and it just seeps into everything... i got up this morning thinking i might run (on 5 hours of sleep?!), with the sole purpose of burning some extra calories. i ate 1/2 of an honest foods almond trail mix bar... but it was so yummy (thanks honest foods =p) i ended up eating the whole thing. feeling defeated (whole bar = 210 calories... really not a big deal i know i know!) i decided to skip the run (probably a wise decision), go back to bed (definitely a wise decision) and skip a real breakfast (what do you think?!). i brought coffee with me to work, which brought back memories of nursing a cup of caffeine for my breakfast while running daily reports. i didn't actually get all that hungry until lunchtime, but i was probably too tired and emotional to have felt hunger anyway.

i'm scared of writing too much, so i think i will go step away from the computer for a while... sorry to be a downer...

muffiny goodness

2009-05-03T08:50:00.002-04:00

i solved yesterday's dilemma by having a chobani + granola before going to the movie, and a cliff bar + milk afterwards. not quite a balanced dinner, but it met my needs. i wasn't sure if i was actually hungry when i got back, but i had a feeling that i might wake up in the middle of the night if i didn't have something, as that has happened before.

this morning i started to pull a blueberry oat bran muffin out of the freezer, when i decided i wanted a millet muffin. these are a family favorite, recipe from the famous philadelphia metropolitan bakery. the only thing wrong with these muffins is the name, as most people would think ew, millet. so i shall rename them: brown sugar butter crunch muffins. now do you want one?

i baked them to perfection... crunchy top, with just the slightest goo underneath, bottoms moist & cakey. i hate when i overbake muffins, so i kept checking these every couple of minutes at the end.

served with strawberries, blackberries (container for $0.98! bought yesterday), and cottage cheese:

the inside:

1/2way through breakfast, this jar found its way to my placemat...

i'm not sure what i'm up to today... i can't run (1 more run left until wednesday, oops) so i may go for a walk, or maybe i'll even head up to umstead (state park). i should do some laundry but my apartment isn't too bad of a mess, so i'm going to need some project to do to keep me entertained. i think i may squeeze in a nap, too, since 12:30a - 7a isn't the most ideal amount of sleep...

dilemma

2009-05-02T17:28:00.003-04:00

i'm getting picked up @ 7. it's only 5:45 now, so i have some time before i need to eat (going to a 7:30 movie so i won't have a chance to eat for a while), but i'm just sort of anxious and not feeling like i'm going to get hungry in the next 75 min. i was ravenous come 1 p.m. while still out on errands (i did end up going for a run this a.m.), and so i stopped at whole foods, where i sat outside chowing down on a tarragon-chicken salad wrap and some 1/2 sweetened iced tea. plus a couple bite sized samples of their dessert bars (couldn't resist!).

i can't still be full from lunch, since that was almost 5 hours ago, but i really don't have an appetite. sooooo... i'm not sure what i will have (nothing isn't really an option). maybe just some pita + hummus to tie me over. i can't let myself get too hungry, as that puts me at a huge risk for later, but it's so hard to force myself to eat when i'm not hungry.

yes, we have no bananas. . .

2009-05-02T07:27:00.002-04:00

i popped an english muffin in the toaster and turned around to the fruit bowl, where i discovered ::GASP:: no bananas! how did that happen. i looked at the empty bowl as if to think, what, they don't just grow out of here?

i was about to resign myself to an almond butter & jam breakfast, when i remembered the half of the sweet potato in the fridge (i only used 1/2 to make the fries last and i baked the other half for leftovers). hmmm i wonder. . . . .

TOTALLY a winner. i cut small pieces (like banana slices!) and warmed them in the microwave for 20 seconds or so. i will intentionally do this again!

ezekiel 4:9 english muffin with almond butter & sweet potato, cottage cheese, strawberries, and a sprinkling of pumpkin seeds

not sure if i feel like running or not today. i need to clean up the apt, go get my car oil changed, and i've got a hair appt. hope everyone is having a good weekend. i've accepted the fact that i get up by 7 on saturdays, but hey, i get a longer weekend that way...

exciting friday night. . .

2009-05-01T20:17:00.004-04:00

... or not. but tonight i'm ok with it. i'm an introvert, so i need some solitude.

i stopped at whole foods to replenish my fruit supply, and while there bought a serving of my favorite salad:

spinach walnut gorgonzola salad

i was quite hungry, so i ate the salad while waiting for my sweet potato fries to cook. served with the necessary condiments:

sweet italian chicken sausage on harvest grains bread w/ ketchup & mustard, baked sweet potato fries tossed in olive oil, cinnamon, and paprika

and now i'm sitting on the couch watching HOUSE (new obsession) and eating a juicy orange. and i think there may be a piece of chocolate calling my name...

tgif.

therapy this morning: crying likely

2009-05-01T07:59:00.002-04:00

i'm still very much inafunk. last night i just didn't want to keep fighting, and so i sort of gave up and caved in to the disorder. and i feel and and . i only half regret/ted it, because honestly, it provided some comfort. and i'm not sure what to make of that. i'm scared that it seems like i'm slipping close to 1x/week these days. i guess this is what active recovery is...

i put together a cheery breakfast, but it's not doing much for the mood. i wasn't really hungry for it, either, but i went for a run this morning so i know i need the fuel.

ezekiel 4:9 english muffin, packet justin's maple-almond butter, 1/2 banana, 5 small strawberries (all gone!), roughly 1/2 c cottage cheese

tweet!

someone on my team @ work is providing lunch as a thank you today, so that'll probably be pizza or something. i'm not all that worried about it. the good thing about my slips these days is that i know that they are emotional, not physiological, and so it is fairly easy to bounce back from them.

happy latte day everyone

i'm digging the gmail emoticons:

especially the space invaders guy:

inafunk

2009-04-30T18:44:00.003-04:00

i'm in a funk, and have been in one for the entire day. i have the urge to use symptoms to numb the negative feelings, but i know that won't really make me feel better. i was hungry and tired by the time i got home. i had 2 samoas from my cookie stash at work as an afternoon snack (those girl scout cookies apparently last a long time... preservatives?!), and apparently that didn't hold me over too well.

i started with this...

... and went back for about a third more. i'm not sure if it was hunger or not, but perhaps it was, as i was definitely quite hungry going into the meal. i'm telling myself it was hunger, anyway... because even if it wasn't, it's not enough "extra" to warrant any compensatory behaviors......

ugh, it feels so needy, but i am so glad that i am going to see my therapist tomorrow morning. i don't know how i would make it through these days without my weekly appointments. and i don't like that about myself.

all mixed up

2009-04-30T08:18:00.002-04:00

my mood rather matches this bowl:

mix chobani / fage (i used part of the fage container yesterday for chicken salad)
kiwi
4 strawberries
1/2 banana
T flaxmeal
cranberries currants granola (more berries this time... getting to the bottom of the box!)
spoonful crunchy almond butter

i'm just feeling really mixed up on a lot of things. i didn't post my snack last night, nor do i have pics of my lunch today, because i just didn't feel like it. sorry! and i almost didn't post this bowl, either, but it really matched my mood quite well, and well, what i enjoy most about this blog is the support i receive through it.

i just want life to make sense / feel like it's not a constant struggle.

humpday!

2009-04-29T07:47:00.003-04:00

mmmmmmaple syrup. there is (almost) nothing better. this morning's fab breakfast:

flax waffle #1 with almond butter+banana, flax waffle #2 with almond butter+apple butter+candied walnuts, both drizzled w/ maple syrup, and an orange. plus a calcium pill (especially good this morning - no dairy! - i'm getting better at remembering to take it!)

mmmmaple

for lunch i cut up the remaining defrosted chicken this morning and made a very quick chicken salad by adding a spoonful each of light mayo & plain greek yogurt, dried cranberries, pecans, s&p.

chicken salad to eat in toasted whole wheat pita + baby carrots + more beautiful local strawberries

once again i may or may not need my afternoon snack left @ work (strawb chobani, h2h). i've been really trying to listen to my hunger to decide if i need something or not. if i know i'm having a late dinner i will make it a point to have a snack (there are limits to the listening-to-the-hunger plan-- if i've had a normal-sized meal then i really don't want to wait more than 5 hours before eating again, and so i will have a snack if the next meal is not for a while) but it's OK to have a snack on some days and not on others, or extra snacks if i find myself extra hungry (as confirmed by c., the expert nutritionist!). tonight i'm meeting up with a friend after work for wed night "ladies special" - a $5 drink + meal-sized appetizer (hey, it's sexist, but i'll take advantage of it!), and so we will probably go from work and have a slightly early dinner.

happy humpday!

bedtime before 10

2009-04-28T21:46:00.004-04:00

i'm so tired i'm going to peace out super early. my lunch kept me so full that i bought a bagel & cream cheese @ whole foods (next door to the yarn shop) for dinner. i wanted something refreshing afterwards, so i had this bowl of delicious berries:

and then i went to bed. <-- this is how i used to sign every diary entry i wrote when i was like, 8.

new review:

2009-04-28T07:44:00.005-04:00

cran lemon zest honest foods bar

(half of bar in picture)

i actually wasn't expecting so much from this one, only because the flavor sounded like it could go either way for me. but wow, was i wrong! this tasted like a fancy lemon square with a twist of cranberry. i had half of the bar before a run this morning. i will be buying these when i run out (which will be a while yet). puny as it may seem, i've found that i don't need much to carry me through a morning run, since i shower/make breakfast within a half hour of arriving home.

and my run was great. i was thrilled to feel a slight chill in the air as i ran-- it was 55° when i left.

today's breakfast made me appreciate both eating breakfast in the first place (it still feels NEW to me at times) and treating it like a real meal, as so many americans do not. the ED in me is sometimes intimidated when i see coworkers grab a granola bar or munch on some kix while saying "no time for breakfast," because i immediately compare the meager snack to my smorgasbord, but i know realistically those people are simply snacking later. i, however, respect breakfast .

today's plate:

ezekiel cinn-raisin english muffin, 1/2 with almond butter + banana, 1/2 with strawberry jam, remaining 1/2 of apple from yesterday's chicken salad, kiwi, side of cottage cheese

coffee in my pretty WPO cup (where i work, if you missed that one):

lovely lovely kiwi

last night's leftovers for lunch. i have class from 6:30-8:30 tonight so i'm thinking i may swap dinner for lunch and buy a bagel or something before class starts. i have yogurt/h2h left in the fridge @ work if i need a snack this afternoon, but i'm somehow doubting i'll want it. never know, though.

and that's all... got to pack up my crochet supplies!

mmmm best recipe ever...

2009-04-27T20:51:00.003-04:00

= almond-crusted tempeh shepherd's pie w/ orange mashed yams. the yams were made by making a syrup made w/ butter, fresh orange juice&zest, lemon, and brown rice syrup. in the "pie" was sauteed onions, carrots, veg broth, tamari, wild rice & 3grain tempeh, new potatoes, frozen corn/peas, sage, thyme, and love. i made the entire ginormous recipe (but only half the yams) and made 3 stuffed bell peppers with half of the filling, which i promptly froze (i chose to do this because i figured that the potato topping wouldn't freeze, but bell peppers would freeze well). as much as i enjoy cooking, i really enjoy pulling homemade leftovers from the freezer and not having any cleanup to do. sorry, no pics of the peppers, but you'll see them eventually .

the lovely 1/2 pie, baked in a loaf pan...

i am totally making this recipe again. it was perfect.

the recipe is from the whole foods cookbook. i found adapted versions online, but not the entire recipe (a few sites just said "mashed yams," but what really made this special were the orange yams). guess you'll have to buy the book...

i didn't get to my afternoon snack today... just wasn't all that hungry for it. i did munch on a few carrot sticks while cooking dinner. and all i want now is a square of chili chocolate, plus some italian sparkling water (on sale for $.99/liter bottle at whole foods, so i bought 3).

off to read in bed!

mmmmmmm oat bran

2009-04-27T08:05:00.002-04:00

this weekend flewwwwwwwwww by. but i don't mind going back to work too much. i decided a bowl of oat bran was long overdue...

in the pot:

1/2 banana (ripe!), 1/3 c oat bran, 1/3 c water, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk

toppings:

1 medjool date
white chocolate chunks
salted peanuts
big spoonful maranatha almond butter

i toyed w/ the idea of using white chocolate wonderful, but really, i like the plain almond butter so much more. i'm thinking maybe i should bake something with the wcw that is feeling neglected in my pantry.

i whipped up a fun lunch out of leftovers from a while back... i defrosted a piece of breaded/baked chicken with apricot-almond-goat cheese filling... and tossed in some apple to make a crunchy pseudo chicken salad.

aforementioned chicken mixture, to serve in a toasted whole wheat pita, carrots

a strawberry chobani and some heart2heart for a snack...

i'm wearing my glasses today. my eyes were a bit itchy this morning (i think allergies have finally hit me) and i decided i'd rather not push it with contacts. i don't mind wearing my glasses all that much, as they are fairly cute (as cute as glasses can be for someone as blind as i am), and i paid $500 for them a couple years ago, so i might as well get my money's worth. i know a million people are going to ask me what happened to your eyes? though, and that's annoying.

i have an awesome dinner planned for later, so check back in 12 hours .

few pics today!

2009-04-26T22:30:00.003-04:00

i've eaten most of my food out today, so i have few pics. at coquette with the sis/bro-in-law, i had the eggs florentine (2 poached eggs with hollandaise sauce on top of spinach/tomato/bread) + a side of fruit (canteloupe, raspberries, blueberries. the restaurant was divine, and i can't wait to go back to try their apple-brie crepe...

i polished off my plate, and so i really didn't get hungry for a mid-afternoon snack.

i went out for sushi for dinner (on a DATE, eek!), and i was quite hungry. we shared edamame, a spider roll (w/ soft shelled crab) and a samurai roll (not sure what was in this but it was yummy!). i felt like i ate just the right amount, without really trying .

just now i wanted something creamy, so i had...

remaining 1/2 of chobani peach with 3 juicy strawberries. i bought more of these local strawberries today... just can't get enough!

sunday sunday

2009-04-26T07:53:00.003-04:00

last night was interesting. after a lovely evening out w/ my friend f., i was actually itching to get home... i just wasn't in a people mood. my friend and i went to tropical smoothie cafe for a casual dinner, and i was pleasantly surprised with the freshness of their food. i had a toasted buffalo chicken wrap, which was nice and spicy, with chicken breast, lettuce, tomatoes, mozzarella, buffalo sauce, and light ranch. afterwards, we had WATER ICE (i had mint-chip) and then went to the rose garden nearby, as it was too beautiful outside to go back in. so i had a nice time, i just needed some solitude afterwards. i started getting all worked up about the swine flu and just the fragility of life... happens to me every once in a while... but it's not helpful to live in fear.

i'm going to brunch at coquette, and i'm super excited because i've only been there for a cup of coffee, and i've heard rave reviews. i'm happy that my sister wants to go at 1, because that way there is no planning around meals... i just treat it like lunch.

i just finished this palate-pleasing breakfast:

1/2 wallaby vanilla (leftover from yesterday) + 1/2 peach chobani + zōe's granola + strawberries, maple-cinn waffle with almond butter, pumpkin butter, banana

(the yogurt was hiding)

laterz!

no-schedule-saturday

2009-04-25T12:36:00.004-04:00

at around 10, i started craving a snack. i don't usually have a mid-morning snack, but then again, i usually have a snack before my runs (i ran after breakfast today). so i guess this made sense.

i had the rest of my morning coffee with a bit of vanilla soymilk, and an orange, while watching tv:

by 12:20 i was seriously hungry! i feel good today-- i am able to listen to my body and feel comfortable about my choices. i made a fun lunch:

toasted sliced-egg sandwich (1.5 hardboiled eggs, s&p, light mayo, herbed greens), carrots, tomatoes, and newman's own hi-protein pretzels (yum!)

i didn't plan this perfect bite, but when it happened, i had to take a picture...

off to... um, i don't know what i'm off to do!

high of 90?!

2009-04-25T08:05:00.003-04:00

damn, summer is a comin' quick! i'm not happy about a high of 90° today, because if i want a pleasant run, i have to go soon... and i don't like to run immediately following 16 oz. of coffee.

last night's "2nd dinner" - froyo (along with more HOUSE and a cluttered table of crochet supplies).

not sure why house was close to death in this scene... i had just turned the show on and a few minutes later house was fine and standing in front of a bunch of med students who were debating some moral medical issue... i think house was representing the patient in said issue

this was close to 1/2 the pint, and i ended up eating around 2/3 the pint... which was really only around 300 calories total... but apparently the morning's slip almost gave me permission to slip up again, so i purged during a commercial break =(. which was dumb, because i ended up hungry an hour later and had a granola bar. it's amazing to me that i can go multiple weeks without acting on symptoms, and then bam, 1 slip leads to a second the same day or in a very short span of time.

i'm often really bad at resetting myself the same day (as you can see) but i feel pretty good about today... i started out the day well and don't foresee any problems continuing that way.

i feel like i need to say "sorry" when i write about slips, and i even debated not including this one, but i cannot start lying or hiding. this blog is for openness, period.

breakfast was quite calm, actually, and i get to show off a new mug - a gift from my company! i like it very much.

ezekiel 4:9 english muffin, 1/2 with maranatha almond butter & banana, other 1/2 with almond butter, pumpkin butter, candied walnuts, strawberries & 1/2 of a wallaby vanilla yogurt

wow, i am sweating already. i want spring back!

puny

2009-04-24T20:03:00.002-04:00

this dinner, that is:

rest of leftover brussel sprouts w/ raisins & sunflower seeds (eaten cold), italian chicken sausage on a whole wheat bun w/ catsup

this did not fill me up. . . i am still feeling hungry and craving more (sweet potato fries or something would have been good). i think i'll clean up and may make up for this puny dinner in fro-yo form...

my hunger was totally off today... due to this morning's ~~stupid decision~~ breakfast mishap i ended up STARVING by 11 a.m. i had trouble concentrating in a meeting from 11-12, and i thought about how this was how i used to feel EVERY DAY, since i would skip breakfast 95% of the time. i got my lunch @ 12:15, and, because i was super hungry (and it wasn't a particularly big lunch to begin with), i added on the baggie of bunny grahams that i've been saying i would eat for the past three days. in a way, this was validation that i am really probably not overeating (duh, right?), because i know i needed more than what i had.

for latte day, i got a caramel macchiato with an extra shot of vanilla (my friend/coworker's yummy suggestion).

after work, my friend and i went out for drinks, and i had a mojito. the drink was nice and the company was even nicer .

ok, cleanup time, and then dessert or something to calm this hunger of mine...

tgiftgiftgif

2009-04-24T07:30:00.005-04:00

my new favorite show = HOUSE. i enjoyed it with a cup of strawberries last night.

and before bed i wanted something salty/starchy, so i had about 10 mini pretzels. must have been the beer...

i am ridiculously full right now. this breakfast may not look huge, but it was a lot of cereal, and the mango filled me up. i know, it was all healthy and probably not unreasonable, but i'm much more uncomfortable than i usually am after breakfast.

kashi vanilla island crunch + heritage flakes + frozen cherries + vanilla soymilk, and a champagne mango

lunch is packed:

sliced egg, herbed greens, s&p, light mayo on harvest grains bread

packed w/ veggies:

and an afternoon latte as per the friday tradition...

wow, i am really uncomfortable right now.

OOH! peanuts smilies!

in order: woodstock, lucy, sally, linus, franklin, snoopy, marcie, peppermint patty, pigpen, schroeder

EDIT: i was just chatting with a girl online who i honestly probably should not be talking to... she's very much NOT in recovery and has no desire to be, really... and i tell her that i'm feeling overly full from breakfast... and she says:

i dunno i just dont get why you sometimes force yourself to eat even though ur not hungry doesnt make sense to me

and i sat with that for a few minutes until i couldn't take it any longer, and then i purged at least half of breakfast. sorry k, i don't need to hear this sh**.

PHEW whataday

2009-04-23T19:08:00.003-04:00

phew, today was cuh-razy at work. a genius employee over in our UK office somehow managed to save over a report i had created for her... she emails me to let me know that all of a sudden all the tabs are blank and the reports are gone! hmmm, wonder how THAT happened... anyway, this was the start of what seemed like a comedy of errors. i didn't end up eating lunch until quarter to 2, finishing up at around 2:30. and even then, i only ate because of the time... the stress/fast pace of the day just totally killed my appetite. i didn't get to my afternoon snack, and as i got into my car i was finally hungry, for the first time today.

i decided i needed a beer.

so i stopped off at whole foods, because they sell interesting beers by the bottle, and while there i looked for some type of protein that would be more interesting than the can of beans i had at home, to put on the composed salad i was planning to make. i thought their seasoned tempeh would be good, but they didn't have any, so i bought some moroccan turkey.

while prepping, i cracked open my beer of choice:

mmm belgian ale

i made a rockin' salad: herbed greens, cut-up lemon-honey apple that i had packed for my afternoon snack, kernels cut off of an ear of corn, 3 yr-aged gouda (best cheese ever), handful caramelized walnuts, and the moroccan turkey. the marinade on the turkey + the juice on the honey-lemon apples was enough to dress the greens, and this turned out awesome.

my bowl was overflowing:

wow, i'm definitely feeling the beer, and i still have a few ounces left . hmmm this beer is 7% alcohol, which is a bit higher, so that could have something to do with it. haha i don't even feel like cleaning up the kitchen... so i think i'll go watch some tv instead!

running super late, no title!

2009-04-23T07:54:00.003-04:00

i made it through yet another rough night. after dinner, i cleaned up my kitchen, set up my coffee pot for the morning, scooped the litterbox, and put away laundry. it was the perfect productive distraction. again, i wonder when it will all get EASY, but i suppose i must be patient.

i was excited to whip out my gloves and headband this morning for my run... i thought those days were long over. but no, weather.com told me it was 45° out at 6:30 this morning (i check this before every run!), and so i got to pretend that spring had not yet sprung. don't get me wrong, i spring, but what i don't are the 100° summer days raleigh is known for... so i'd prefer to push that off for as long as possible.

i wasn't hungry at all before my run, but remembering one stupid run when i hadn't eaten beforehand and ended up feeling the consequences midway through, i forced myself to eat a snack... this was a piece of a whole foods' granola bar left from about a month ago that i did not realize i still had left. it was softer than when i bought it (perhaps from the oils in the nuts?), but definitely still good.

my run was hard! i started having minor pains/cramps under my right ribcage halfway through, but it wasn't all that bad so i kept going. luckily, it subsided by the end of the run. as always though, i felt really good once i got back to my apartment... the endorphins really do wonders.

i'm not sure why, but i wasn't all that hungry for breakfast either. and this breakfast is lacking in color (because i chose a full banana over my usual 1/2 banana + other colorful fruit). full of dairy/starch/protein/fruit/healthy fats though!

maple-cinn-oatbran waffle with almond butter + banana, flax waffle with a smidgen each pecan butter (almost gone must make more!), pumpkin butter + banana, 1/2 c cottage cheese with remaining half of banana and a sprinkle of mainly maine granola

mmmmm i like this granola as a topping, vs. zōe's granola as a mix-in (clear distinction!). this granola is denser, crunchier, and broken up into small pieces, vs. the zōe's granola, which has big cookie-like crunch clusters.

eek, i'm running late this morning. so i will wrap up quickly. my lunch, all packed:

2 slices oatmeal bread + a dr. praeger's veggie burger + emmentaler + ketchup to make a toasty/melty veggie burger sammie, and leftover brussel sprouts

oops, almost forgot the sunflower seeds:

and for an afternoon snack...

fuji apple with lemon and honey, plus those bunny grahams still left at work because i keep passing them up for superior goodies like homemade baklava and chocolate oatmeal cookies...

is every night going to be this hard?!

2009-04-22T19:56:00.005-04:00

tonight wasn't fun. i seriously contemplated skipping dinner, fearing that i wouldn't be able to eat without wanting to purge afterwards... but i knew that skipping dinner would open up a whole new territory i didn't want to explore (been there, done that). finally at 7:30 i threw together leftovers, which were somewhat tasty (i think) but i didn't really enjoy them:

toasted whole wheat pita filled w/ a mixture of leftover lamb, quartered grape tomatoes, bell pepper, and tzatziki... and leftover brussel sprouts w/ raisins & toasted sunflower seeds

and well, honestly? i do want to purge, but i don't think i will. i don't get why the past few days have been so hard come dinnertime. at work today we had our "taste of ny state" in the afternoon, and perhaps that filled me up more than my usual afternoon snack, but i know i really didn't have all that much more than any other day, since everything was bite-sized. i had: 2 slices of apple, 2 cubes of cheese, 2 bite-sized pieces of buffalo wings, 2 tiny bites of cheesecake, and a 2 oz. cup of grape juice.

i wish i could come home to dinner with someone... dinner just feels like it ought to be shared, and it gets tiresome eating alone after a while.

all dressed up

2009-04-22T08:46:00.002-04:00

i like dress-up days when i WANT to dress up, but not when i HAVE to (our office is super casual unless they tell us a client is visiting). i put this outfit on and made myself keep it on, despite feeling a bit self-conscious (what with the white pants and tucked in shirt). i'm trying to tell myself that these pants look BETTER now than when i could pull them off without unbuttoning the top, but i'm not sure i believe it. at least my hair looks good .

the list

2009-04-22T07:54:00.003-04:00

i made it through last night by just sitting for a while. my nutritionist wants me to come up with a list of active and passive things to replace the disorder on the list-of-things-to-do-when-i'm-stressed. well realistically, probably not to replace the disorder, but to push it further down the list so that i have some good alternatives. so i came up with/put into action 3 that helped last night: just sitting, a hot shower, and lighting a pumpkin candle. as i was just sitting, i really didn't want to do anything "enjoyable" (and i probably wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway) such as reading or crocheting, although these can go on the list too-- i need lots of different options for different situations. anyone here have a list? i'd love to hear...

it was brisk this morning (i've been keeping my balcony door open) and i knew immediately that i wanted oat bran. i was hungry when i woke up, which was a bit of a relief.

today's mix:

in the pot: 1/3 c oat bran, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk, 1/3 c water, 1/2 banana
topped with: 1 medjool date, 1/2 cashew cookie larabar, remaining 1/2 of an opened maple-almond butter packet

either i ate more than 1/2 the maple-almond butter packet last time, or i typically use more than 95 calories worth of almond butter in my oatmeal (what 1/2 of a packet would be), because it seemed slightly skimpy on the almond butter! i wish the maple-almond butter came in jars, as i don't measure my nut butters anyway (probably some people's rationale for buying the pre-portioned packets, in addition to portability). random: i just pictured myself smearing said almond butter onto a hot & toasty panera or whole foods bagel, and suddenly i'm craving a bagel (well not now, i'm quite full, but i will have to satisfy that craving sometime in the near future!).

cop-out lunch:

amy's burrito especial, mix baked blue corn & sweet potato tortilla chips, baby carrots & grape tomatoes

i don't need to pack a snack, because our company is having a "taste of NY" event this afternoon to celebrate the start of our new client, New York State (a LOT of business for us). there will be bites of cheesecake, pizza, wings, apples & dip, and other new york goodies. i doubt i will want pizza or wings at 3, when we plan on serving everything, but a bite of cheesecake... YES!

hi

2009-04-21T19:37:00.003-04:00

i had a good day... thoughtful session with my nutritionist, productive day at work... ate a homemade oatmeal chip cookie brought in by a fabulous baker at work (plus a wallaby yogurt for an afternoon snack, forgot to post that!)

and for dinner i made mustard-herb lamb (chops pulled from freezer last night) with raisin-sunflower seed brussel sprouts, plus whole wheat naan.

the chops were tiny but rather fatty, and i actually made 2 more for leftovers tomorrow. i cut the meat off the bone for the leftovers (because i plan to have them in pita or on a salad) and ended up gnawing on the bones. i started feeling gross and such, and somehow decided i would have some strawberries to finish off with something healthy. about 8 strawberries and most of a pear later, here i am, thinking that it would be oh so easy to "go backwards" so to speak. it is amazing how automatic of a thought that is at times (i really don't think of it most of the time, but when i'm feeling anxious after a meal, it's there), as it's a thought that most people would never think of.

again, i need to remind myself of the facts... i did not overeat today, and a couple servings of fruit is nothing to fuss over. all will be OK.

is it tuesday already?

2009-04-21T07:52:00.005-04:00

i went to bed too late last night (started crocheting only to do about an hour's worth wrong--oops--as i apparently wasn't reading the pattern carefully... so then i of course had to fix that, and then devil wears prada came on tv . . . ) but for some reason i woke up feeling pretty rested. guess quality of sleep counts for something.

i was very excited for my run this morning, as it was 55° and sunny. i had half of a zōe's granola bar before i left:

peanut butter paradise flavor

i love the granola that zōe foods sent me, but this didn't excite me. maybe i'll like the other flavors more.

my run was great. if only i could bottle up this weather...

i'm still working on this breakfast now:

ezekiel 4:9 english muffin with almond butter/banana on half, almond butter/pumpkinbutter/banana on other half, cottage cheese, and an orange

this was maranatha almond butter (no-stir crunchy), as i just finished off the jar of 365 (chunky). i really like both kinds, and i don't think i have a preference. i'm curious about trying maranatha's "raw" almond butter. would this have a cleaner almond taste? or is this just a dumb idea marketed for raw foodists (don't get me started on this one...). has anyone tried it (or any raw almond butter)?

i enjoyed yesterday's lunch so much that i decided to repeat it today, and plus i thought that it would go well with leftover plantains. so i packed...

orange bell pepper & jalapeno-cilantro hummus sandwich

and the plantains, plus a few baby carrots. i'm thinking these will be good cold... salty, sweet, and soft.

gosh it is so nice out i don't want to go into work. our building seriously lacks windows.

FROYO

2009-04-20T20:56:00.002-04:00

i'm quite pleased/proud of myself right now for enjoying this lovely bowl of fro-yo (stonyfield fudge swirl). yes, it probably helped knowing that this is not high cal stuff, but i chose it for its simple flavor and creaminess. i now have three different frozen treats in my freezer... guess i'm ready for summer!

guessing this is more like 2/3 of a cup (vs. the 1/2 cup portion)

i'm sleepy, yo

quick monday dinner

2009-04-20T19:19:00.003-04:00

i love when dinner just comes together. i went to whole foods from work to get more fruit & veggies, and while there decided that i didn't want to really cook anything.

i asked for a single serving of whole foods' spinach, walnut, and gorgonzola salad from the prepared foods counter ($1.52), and then headed towards the fish counter, where i asked the guy what his favorite pre-seasoned fish was (i've never bought anything but plain fish!). he said he really liked the parmesan tilapia, so i bought a piece ($2).

when i got home i realized the fish + salad would be quite puny alone... and suddenly i spied the beautifully ripe plantain sitting on my counter...

i started the plantains first, in a bit of olive oil + sea salt sprinkled on top, and when they were halfway done (i felt like a chef for my precise timing), i flipped & moved them to the side of the pan, added a tsp or so of butter (the fish guy said butter + olive oil would be nice, and i agreed!), and added in the tilapia. the tilapia took no more than 2 min per side.

i ought to do more dinners like this... so quick and satisfying.

perfect

it's raining, it's pouring...

2009-04-20T08:06:00.003-04:00

i'm enjoying breakfast with the comforting sound of rain... it is that perfect time of year where the temperature is comfortable both in and out, so i've been keeping my balcony door open.

my cat is enjoying the rain too:

i guess i was in a silly mood while preparing breakfast...

maple-cinn waffles with almond butter, banana, strawberries, 2 dried cherries (for the noses!), and maple syrup drizzled over top

he says hi, don't eat me

i decided to pack a veggie lunch:

bell pepper sandwich with two hummuses (end of roasted garlic, cilantro-jalapeno)

and...

more bell pepper + baby carrots, and tzatziki

a yogurt for an afternoon snack...

plus potentially leftover cinnamon/chocolate bunnies (left at work) that i didn't get to the other day.

on a quite random note, my FIRST CRUSH (we're talking 3rd grade here) just asked to be my friend on facebook. i haven't seen him since middle school (i'm not sure if he even went to my high school... i think he did but probably ended up in the pothead crowd). i must say, for a third grader, i had pretty good taste!

although it is evident from his pictures that he is still quite the partyer/pothead. sorry john, i am SO over you!

another weekend, pouf!

2009-04-19T20:56:00.005-04:00

i was feeling a bit blah mid-afternoon, but i turned that around by having tea and cookies, and then catching up on cleaning and laundry. cleaning can actually be quite therapeutic.

my tea was special tea because it was made from this!

korean honey citron tea

two of my good friends are korean, and one of them introduced me to this yummy tea. it comes in a marmalade-consistency, and is just mixed with hot water. it is very soothing. i found it yesterday at the korean grocery store i happened to stumble upon.

served with 2 ginger-o cookies!

after tea, i vacuumed, did 2 loads of laundry, windexed, and generally picked up the apartment. this made me feel so much better...

all the cleaning worked up an appetite, so i got started on dinner: celery root & sweet potato soup with ginger. while cooking, i called my sister, and it turned out she and her husband were on their way back from a weekend trip, and were close by. so i invited them over for soup!

the soup was simple and delcious. celery root is really good, and really underappreciated in this country.

topped with toasted pumpkin seeds and black pepper, and whole wheat naan brushed with olive oil

thanks s & j for coming over!

afterwards, i wanted MILK. my throat is still just sliiightly sore, and i really have no idea why. i had a small cup of vanilla soymilk and a piece of cinnamon-chili dark chocolate (the red fire bar). it's hideously expensive chocolate, but really, it's $.80 per serving, and since i don't eat it every day, i figure it's worth splurging on every once in a while.

i wish it wasn't already quarter to 10 on sunday night .

best. salad. ever.

2009-04-19T13:44:00.002-04:00

this just goes to show that pretty much any ingredients can go together. ok maybe not , but a lot can that you might not think of.

2 oz. roast beef
1/2 oz. each emmentaler and aged gouda
handful caramelized walnuts
5 strawberries
1/2 cup trader joe's harvest grain & israeli couscous blend, made w/ chicken broth
herbed greens
honey-cider-olive oil-pepper vinaigrette

the couscous and roast beef were pulled from the freezer, so this was an awesome way to use up leftovers and have an interesting lunch with very little effort

sometimes i get nervous over big composed salads, but this seemed like just the right amount. and now i want tea and cookies!

feeling unproductive

2009-04-19T08:28:00.003-04:00

i need to clean my apartment, but i'm not feeling it. it is 60° out, so i may go for a run, but i'm not sure i even want to. weather.com predicts that tomorrow morning may rain though, so i may miss my opportunity for a sunny run if i don't go today. i think if i actually start cleaning i may even enjoy it, but it's the push to get started...

i woke up this morning with a very mild soreness at the back of my throat, but i feel fine otherwise, and i absolutely refuse to believe i could be getting sick. perhaps allergies could do this?

i bought a placemat at bed, bath, and beyond for $.25. it had been marked from $2 to $1 to $.50 to $.25. wonder why no one wanted this cheery color?

i tasted a granola cluster before deciding on oat bran. the mix:

cooking: 1/3 c oat bran, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk, 1/3 c water, 1/2 bananan
toppings: 1 medjool date, 1/4 maple honest foods bar, spoonful pumpkin butter, spoonful almond butter

'twas a good choice

fast forward saturday

2009-04-18T19:34:00.006-04:00

phew, i cannot believe it is already 8:30 p.m. lets see... here's how the hours flew by:

10a: went for a lovely 3.5 mile run, showered, etc.

12p: went to the tailor to get a few pants shortened

1p: met up with f. for lunch at our favorite café, where we sat outside and shared sandwiches: the plethora (hummus, tabouli, sprouts, havarti, sunflower seeds, and mustard baked into yumminess, and the homemade black bean burger with mustard and mayo and greeens. i had my sandwich(es) alongside a side of sliced apples and strawberries.

2p: went to bed, bath, and beyond (for a new--and washable--kitchen mat since my cute pear one is now gross), then to MARSHALL'S (my new favorite store) for some bargain hunting.

bought these:

romeo & juliet couture, $12.99

nike, $9.99

4p: stopped off at the closest grocery store (as lead by my GPS, this happened to be a korean market) to buy some garlic and ginger. while there i got to taste a yummy korean rice/bean cake.

5:30p: arrived home starving and hot! promptly ate this:

strawberry 365 frozen fruit bar

6p: put away purchases, set up my new (full size) drain to replace my tiny one (my old apartment had less counter space). i took a picture because here my old drain is draining in my new drain .

6:30p: realized cooking was not to be, and popped leftovers in the oven, grabbed an appetizer:

cilantro-jalapeno hummus and carrots

ate at least this many additional carrots afterwards. picture them yourself.

7:30p: dinnertime!

leftover blue cheese-stuffed pumpkin-black bean croquettes, drizzled w/ warm honey-cider vinaigrette

ok guys, seriously, does this look like a huge amount to you? because i started panicking afterwards. but it isn't quite a dinner-size plate, and i thought perhaps 2 of these would be skimpy for a dinner portion since they are only atop greens. i feel like i'm moving BACKWARDS in terms of comfort level these days. well, at least for dinner. although, on a positive note, my body image wasn't bad today.

8p: cleansed my palate with 4 juicy strawberries:

apparently my cat is pooped out, too. wonder how she spent HER day.

8:30p: finished blogging.

quick b'fast post

2009-04-18T08:00:00.002-04:00

g'morning! quick post because i must head out for a run before it gets HOT!

i dug a blueberry oatbran muffin out of the freezer for breakfast. i've really enjoyed this batch of muffins. 3 left, and then i shall have to bake again.

toasted blueberry oatbran muffin, half with maple-almond butter, half with apple butter, cottage cheese, a pear, and milky coffee

a beautiful pear!

yum!

happy weekend!

cereal, it's what's for dinner.

2009-04-17T20:43:00.002-04:00

nothing sounded appealing for dinner, so when 8:30 rolled around, i decided to have a serious bowl of cereal.

puffins, cranberry currents granola, frozen cherries, vanilla soymilk

apparently eating sparked my hunger, because suddenly i started craving popcorn to munch on while watching what not to wear...

so i popped up a bag of smartpop, and am now sitting on the couch. no picture, because i'm too lazy, and you're not invited (kidding!).

what now?

2009-04-17T07:13:00.002-04:00

i'm scared at this point of my recovery. all of a sudden (really) bad body image has hit me in the face. i can tell that i've gained more weight, as some of my jeans now JUST fit. i've also been feeling FULLER lately, less hungry for meals, and so it's possible that my meals need some fine tuning, but i doubt that c. (my nutritionist) would want me to cut back by much. sometimes i think it would be so much easier to be THIN again, but i need to battle those thoughts.

all my food seems like too much today, but really, i'm sure it's not...

ezekiel cinn-raisin english muffin, 1/2 with almond butter and banana slices, 1/2 with pumpkin butter, 1 date, and 1 candied walnut, cottage cheese with flax seed and more banana

for lunch, another turkey sandwich, to try to use up the deli meat:

2 mini sandwiches, with honey-maple turkey, emmentaler cheese, herbed greens, mustard, light mayo

... and the rest of the bell pepper from earlier this week.

and a latte for the afternoon, because it's friday, of course!

today is going to be a rough day, i know it already. i'm already looking at this and thinking... well mayyyybe i don't need that whole sandwich. i haven't restricted since i STARTED THIS BLOG, and it's not the time to start.

recap

2009-04-16T19:31:00.002-04:00

dinner was had.

blue cheese-stuffed pumpkin-black bean croquettes were made (thanks burpandslurp for the awesome recipe!).

croquettes were baked:

a salad w/ warm honey vinaigrette was made:

an unpictured third croquette was eaten.

a few strawberries were consumed.

that is all.

happy thursday (because i can't come up with a title)

2009-04-16T08:06:00.006-04:00

wow, i'm tired. i'm not doing very well on the get-to-bed-at-a-reasonable-hour goal. i still got up and ran though, figuring that if i didn't, i'd feel worse later. which might be true, but it was a tough run. i had a small piece of a maple almond crunch honest bar pre-run:

mmmmaple

i started planning my breakfast while running. HA! as the weather is getting warmer, it will be nice to have more cold breakfasts. i couldn't wait to try out the zōe's granola i got in the mail yesterday. i decided on the cranberries currents flavor, and tried a handful straight from the box:

yum! this granola is light, not dense like many granolas. i'm guessing it's from the rice and soy crisps. after some deliberation, i decided on:

1 cup plain chobani
4 huge strawberries, cut up
serving (3/4 c) granola
drizzle honey

and the verdict? really good! the clusters were big and crunchy. i love plain yogurt with granola... the contrast between tangy and sweet. i'm also impressed that one serving of the granola has 7g of fiber, as many granolas are not so great in this area. the ONLY complaint that i have is that i got very few dried cranberries & currents, although i'm wondering if they might have all settled to the bottom during shipping. i'm excited to try the other flavors, but it won't be for a while, since i now have 2 types of granola open. i will definitely purchase zōe's in the future, but i won't need to for quite some time .

another thing this granola has going for it is its name... zōe's just has a nice ring to it, and, as i learned from the letterhead on the lovely note sent with the package, zōe is greek for LIFE. but one thing i will have to ask the company is about its pronunciation, as the letterhead showed (zō'ē), which would be zo-ee, but online sources tell me that the greek word is pronounced zo-ay. perhaps it is a mix of the greek noun and the name (which is pronounced zo-ee). yes, i like to learn about things like this .

since i didn't get my almond butter or banana fix at breakfast, i strategically planned it into lunch.

almond buttah & banana, artistically arranged (to fit the entire banana, duh)

365 almond butter is very creamy, even straight from the fridge

along with some healthy veggies:

i can't get enough fruit these days. for a snack i packed:

cameo apple drizzled with lemon (to prevent browning) and honey (to counteract the tartness of the lemon...)... and...

baggie of chocolate and cinnamon bunnies. because snacks ought to be cute.

now that i've finished my coffee, i've decided it is going to be a good day.

ZOE'S GRANOLA!

2009-04-15T21:19:00.003-04:00

i was psyched to come home to a box of these goodies from zōe's granola. despite already having an opened package of mainely maple granola in my cupboard, i plan on breaking open one of these boxes tomorrow for breakfast! but which to try first? i'm thinking the cranberries currents...

THANK YOU ZŌE FOODS!