sunday night blues...

i'm sad that it is sunday night. this weekend started out a bit rough, but my mood improved today, and now i wish i had some more time. i've been feeling lonely... should have called my friend f. to see if she wanted to get together.

i didn't even realize it was 8:30 now... i'm only halfway through dinner. i finally got the motivation to clean my apartment at around 5:30 today (nothing beats procrastination) and by the time i settled down i was quite hungry.

i made an omelet/frittata. eggs still intimidate me, but this turned out awesome. i took pics along the way:

first i sauteed up some chopped onion in a bit of olive oil (for a minute or two), then i added sliced shitake mushrooms (fancy!) and the rest of my asparagus from last week (tops of maybe 7-8 stalks?). the mixture seemed a bit dry so i put in a few T of water to sizzle things up. everything cooked nicely:


next i took the veggies out of the pan, and added in a mix of 3 eggs, 1/4c milk, s & p... when the bottom was mostly cooked i added the veggies on top, and topped with a slice of cheddar, crumbled:


... put the pan under the broiler, just for about a minute...


voila! this cooks really quickly because, well, it was half cooked before going into the oven, but also because it's much thinner than a frittata would be.

i folded the fromelette over and attempted to make triangle slices, but i pretty much failed on that. however, the taste was right on!

served w/ buttered toast

cleanup, laundry, and sigh, another weekend is over.

you know you gotta run the dishwasher when. . .

... you use chopsticks for your fruit! although, this was kind of fun (and my chopsticks are adorable)!

these are small bagels (2oz./150cal) so i toasted up 3 halves. i like that they are small though, because i can have a whole bagel even if i don't want something big.

rudi's cinnamon-raisin bagel(s), cream cheese, 1 w/ pumpkin butter, 1 w/ strawberry jam (i used to eat cream cheese and jam on bagels alllllll the time growing up), cherries (making my way through the huge bag), strawberries

i'm attempting to make today productive. i'm off to target to find some sort of storage solution for my never-ending supply of yarn...

crochet, cont.

my day was frightfully unproductive, save for a couple unique crochet projects...

a necklace (quite trendy i think!):


... and a headband, which i'm not sure i'll wear. maybe, though.

frenzy!

i stopped my crochet frenzy just now to make some breakfast... but i didn't bother to clear the table . i started on a quick "instant gratification" project (something i can finish this morning-- i'll post it if it looks any good!). my apartment is a mess, but i think that will be tomorrow's activity. today i plan on crocheting, grocery shopping, running, and chilling .


breakfast included all of my favorite things: banana, almond butter, pumpkin butter, caramelized walnuts, cottage cheese, cherries, and strawberries!

hope everyone is having a good weekend so far!

sleepy, full, anxious, guilty

i feel like i kept eating tonight. i'm trying to remind myself that eating slightly more for a day is fiiiiine, but that's easier to say than to believe. i had a delicious mocha for latte day, at around 3, but by 7 i was ready for dinner. i popped a tempeh-potato-veggie-stuffed red bell pepper in the oven (made a while back), surrounded by roasted veggie tomato sauce.

i ate half of the enormous pepper, covered in parmesan:

stuffing made w/ peas, carrots, corn, tempeh, onions, tamari, veg broth, potatoes, sage, and seasonings...

after dinner i wanted something sweet, so i had an orange and a piece of 70% dark chocolate...


and then at 10, while watching tv, i wanted something salty... so i had some mini pretzels... probably a serving or slightly more (i got tired of taking pics).

actually, looking at this now, it seems more normal than before i started writing this post. i'm not going to get worked up over 150 or so calories of pretzels........

i'm making good progress on my sweater (not the one shown in last night's blog-- that one is in queue!). only around 2000 more stitches until i can sew the thing together and start on the lacy bottom/cuffs. i think the lace should go much quicker... we shall see. the sweater i'm working on now is the one here:


i'm slightly obsessed with sweater making right now!

same but different

my nutritionist often reminds me now that when i have symptoms, they may appear on the surface the same as in the past when i was entrenched in my disorder, but they are actually quite different. yesterday, AFTER receiving a clean bill of health from my dentist (no cavities, strong teeth!) i slipped up (binged/purged).... but at around 8 p.m. i suddenly felt famished. i knew i hadn't really had dinner, and there was a time when i wouldn't have even contemplated it. but i decided to pretend-- as far as my nutritional needs-- that nothing had happened, and that meant that the next step was to have dinner. so i quickly prepared this:

"tastybite " madras lentils + spoonful chobani, ezekiel sprouted grain english muffin, carrots, bell pepper

later, i had a peach... and a square of chocolate (not pictured!)...


i do not want to forget or ignore the fact that i used symptoms, but what is important-- and different than the past-- is that i am able to jump right back into recovery work. i definitely had a lot of guilt while eating dinner last night, as if i really shouldn't have allowed myself... but i know where that judgmental thinking gets me...

i woke up sleepy this morning, but wanted to stick with the concept that recovery is an active process and that a slip does not have to mean a step backwards, so i got up and went for a run as i had planned. i had 2 medjool dates before i left for a sweet boost of energy. turns out dates actually have fiber, potassium, and calcium, among other things (i figured i was only getting sugar).

my run was challenging, but rewarding. i made my breakfast on a dinner plate this morning, and for a moment stopped to question whether this was too much food. i often ask myself if "normal people" eat breakfasts like this... but then i remember that it doesn't really matter. a hearty breakfast has been working for me, and thus far has not made me fat .

ezekiel english muffin (i eat a LOT of these!) w/ almond butter + banana, cottage cheese, strawberries & cherries

my cat has been enjoying the view... that's the top of my fridge to the right, so yup, she's up pretty high!


off to see my therapist to process all this even more. and... it's FRIDAY (afternoon) LATTE DAY! it's been weeks since my friend at work and i have been able to do this, since one or both of us have been out, so i'm looking forward to it!

what is happening to my camera?!?!

all my pics are blurry or rather more like "dusty" looking. i bought my camera back in january, and it was both highly rated/not cheap, so this should not be happening. maybe the lens is just dirty? i might have to find a camera shop around here where i can bring it in. argh!

this morning's less-than-crisp photo:


stove-top oats:

• 1/3 c oats, 1/3 c water, 1/3 c vanilla soymilk
• 1/2 banana
• 1 T flax
• 1/2 walnut-date kind bar
• heaping tsp pumpkin butter
• big spoonful almond butter

and cherries!


mmmm i . i just wish you could choose how much you wanted to buy, rather than having to buy a pre-measured bag, because the bags are usually huge! they were on sale for $4.99/lb yesterday at whole foods, and i tried to find a smallish bag, but it still ended up costing $7. that's a whole lotta cherries! but somehow i think i'll manage .

so i've found my next next crochet project! ha! this was in the new SPRING issue of interweave crochet (i really need to get a subscription). i "borrowed" the magazine from the store last night to look through. i love this pattern-- simple but unique.


ha, and the model is wearing SEVENS (jeans). see, crochet + fashion really do mix!!!

i found this next pic online-- someone who already made it! i absolutely adore it in red, so i am going to look for a similar yarn. although i won't be starting this for a while... i'm only about 1/3 to 1/2way through my current sweater...


dEnTiSt this afternoon! i would be très nervous but since i went 6 months ago and didn't have any cavities/damage, i'm not too scared... overall i've been much much (much) healthier than in the past, and i don't think intermittent symptoms would have caused any damage. i'm so thankful that i was blessed with strong teeth... i have no clue how i escaped any damage given how active my disorder has been at times over the years. expect a full report later!

irritated.

my crochet class ended tonight @ 8:30... and it was then that 3 of the students decided it was time to shop. suddenly i had to clean up, wind 4 balls of yarn, look up prices, calculate sales tax... and no one asked if it was OK to stay. i really should have said "i don't deal with the sales (which is true), you'll have to come back another day... someone would be happy to help and to wind your yarn." but nope, i ran around for 20 minutes trying to get everything done as quickly as possible, and keeping my irritation to myself.

what's the big deal about 20 minutes? well normally it would be nothing, but it was 8:50 p.m., and i was tired, and i hadn't had dinner (i had a 12 oz. decaf latte just before the class, but i really wasn't hungry for a meal then).

i wasn't even sure if i was hungry when i got home but i knew i had to eat something, and i actually wanted something a bit less "dinnerlike" than most days... so i threw this together in 2 min:

newly opened package of pastrami (haven't had in a looong time) + spanish aged mahon cheese + mustard on a rudi's bun, cottage cheese + blueberries

this actually hit the spot... not too heavy, quick, and satisfying.

i think i have a new favorite cottage cheese - friendship 4% california style. i recently discovered the joy of full fat cottage cheese. it's really not all that unhealthy, and i have no reason to go for the lower fat if i enjoy this stuff more. take that, stupid disorder!

and now it is practically bedtime. at least it should be. but whenever i am on the go from 6 a.m. until late i feel like the day has been stolen from me, and i want some time to myself...

snooze tempatations

the snooze button was realllllllly tempting this morning, but i decided that if i didn't get up and get in some exercise i'd regret it come after work while heading to my evening crochet class to sit on my butt yet some more. and i gotta admit, this run was HARD! just my usual approx. 3-mile run, but i think i may not have been fully hydrated (i woke up thirsty last night) and i've stupidly not been getting enough sleep. i was quite happy to return to the apartment for a shower/breakfast, but i'm definitely still glad i went out.

i couldn't decide on what i wanted for breakfast though. i finally ended up picking cereal, which i usually don't pick because: a) i eat it too fast and suddenly breakfast is gone, and b) all the liquid-- since i require a large cup of coffee with breakfast-- sometimes makes me feel overly full. i do feel quite full now that i've finished, but that will go away fairly quickly, and it was a nice change. i have a lot of cereal in my pantry, so i should probably eat it more often... but it doesn't really seem to go stale in the airtight containers i use.

i was only able to decide on cereal once i smeared some almond butter on 1/2 of a banana...

mix pb puffins, heritage flakes, and ezekiel cereal + vanilla soymilk + frozen cherries, aforementioned banana + almond butter, peach

i haven't packed lunch yet, and i think i'm too lazy to snap any more pictures (i don't know how true full time bloggers do it! or well, i guess i do since i snapped practically every mouthful for a while, but it gets tiring!).

on another note, what does everyone think of this sweater (as a possible future project)? i know my sister is going to say EW, BOW! but i kind of like it...

EDIT!

it wasn't THIS SOAP that i accidentally consumed yesterday, it was THIS SOAP. i was just washing dishes now and i nearly gagged just smelling it.

the irony is that i had been looking for a basil or rosemary dish soap for awhile now, and now i think i'm going to have to give it away (the bottle is nearly full) and buy something else, because i can't even deal with smell the stuff without tasting it on my tongue... EW.

randomness

i didn't eat deliberately tonight... but i think everything lined up quite... OK.

i had about 3 oz. coffee / 3 oz. vanilla soymilk when i got home (odd, but i was sleepy)...

at around 6 i ate the remaining 1/2 of the sweet potato from last night (cold, luv it that way)...

at around 6:30 i ate the remaining 2 oz. salmon from last night. realized that was a pathetic amount of protein and added a chicken sausage...

not sure why i didn't just round out the meal then but i waited a while, and then at around 7 i heated up some leftover asparagus...

and now at 8, i'm eating a peach.

so, let's review: starch + veggie + protein + fat + fruit. quite normal quantities. but it didn't really feel organized. i think maybe i was trying to escape dinner in the first place, and that didn't quite work.

no real harm...

30seconds. . .

. . . is about how long i have to write this post. i have an appointment with my nutritionist and then i have back to back to back to back to back to back meetings at work. BOO! and one of those meetings was just requested by our president/c.o.o. way to begin the week...

my food is pretty today, so i have just enough time to show it off!

bfast: boring (or at least repetitive) but delish. i threw in some plain greek yogurt for variety.

ezekiel sprouted english muffin, almond butter, banana, chobani plain greek yogurt, blackberries+blueberries+strawberries, yada yada yada

i think my camera lens is dirty... the pics just aren't as crisp as they used to be


and for lunch. . . tempeh+avocado sandwich with sweet ginger chili sauce (becoming addicted to the stuff-- it's great on everything) on my mom's fab bread. + red bell pepper and carrots:


my lunch looks slightly smaller than usual (damn just realized i could have packed leftover cold sweet potato!) so i brought a sweet snack:

cherries (pitted! lunch prep takes a while sometimes!) + puffins

ok GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think today is going to be as fast-paced as this post!

blargh!

so i decided that my gourmet dinner deserved a gourmet dessert... and so i whipped out my immersion blender and blended together 2 T vanilla soymilk + 1 frozen banana to make a pseudo ice cream.

topped with a few salted peanuts and surrounded by blackberries, i was impressed...


that is, until i spotted what i assumed to be a dab of frozen banana stuck to my palm and licked it off. nope, not banana... burt's bees citrus & ginger root hand soap. let me give y'all a sound piece of advice: DON'T EAT THIS STUFF. we all know what ear wax and bugurs and medicine/pill coating tastes like, but trust me guys, this was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse. ew ew ew ew ew. ew.

salmon, it's whats for dinner

i had a late lunch out with my sister (neomonde... mmm tabouli-hummus-ganouj-stuffed pita, a stuffed grapeleaf, and a delicious piece of fresh walnut baklava split between the 2 of us) and so i wanted something super simple for dinner. i knew i had a sweet potato at home, so i stopped off @ whole foods on my way home and splurged on a beautiful piece of salmon and some asparagus. i poached the salmon in water+wine vinegar+sliced lemon+thyme and topped it with a small amount of sweet ginger chili sauce, and broiled the asparagus for about 8 min, tossed w/ 1.5 tsp olive oil, salt, pepper. 10 min prep time, and no cleanup!

simple, and satisfying:


this was 4 oz. salmon, and i have 2 oz. left, which i'm currently pondering how i can stretch into some sort of salmon salad for lunch tomorrow...

i'm feeling much better today. i really have to remember that feeding myself well and treating myself gently helps in a lot of ways. . . . .

yay for arts & crafts!

i bought my sister a cool pair of earrings for her bday, and while shopping for them, i got some ideas for making my own. i can't wear anything even slightly heavy on my ears, but i've learned that there are some cool, featherweight earrings out there... and if you are making your own, the possibilities are endless!

i got dressed today and put on a turquoise/silver belt (just about the only clothing/accessory that i acquired from my mother's terrible closet) and thought, hmmmm it's been a while since i've made any jewelry......

20 minutes later i had these:



hanging proudly!


these take about 3 minutes to make and probably cost roughly $3-4 (the hooks are silver). the similar ones i saw in the store were $18!

out to lunch with the sis.