presentation isn't everything

here's my kitchen table this morning. ok ok, it's really not all that disorganized...


check out my old-school phone... i finally get an upgrade next month.

i've calmed down quite a bit from last night. i woke up famished (despite my late dinner), and munched a granola bar before heading out in the... 65°! weather for a perfect run. i've been doing the treadmill thing lately, since it's been so darn hot, so this was wonderful. i really don't like the treadmill!

i'm relieved that i'm going to see my nutritionist this morning and then my therapist on thursday. i've made it through a lot of rough moments this week, and i'm ready for everything to slow down a notch. that being said, i think i've also grown stronger from surviving all the chaos.

wow.

today was one of the roughest days i've had in a long time. my day went from calm to stressed, and just when i thought i had everything down / anxiety back to a reasonably-stressed level, BAM, cat decides to pee in a box of important papers rather than her litterbox.

after some much needed coaching from my therapist, i decided that skipping dinner would not be the best way to deal with the chaos. so i sat down to this, which was waiting for me right before my cat decided to make my day just that much better...

"sante fe summer pot" (slightly modified) with shrimp/avocado/tomato/onion/jalapeno/corn/celery/cilantro/lime juice/cumin/coriander/tortilla chips...


it was good, but really it was just sort of... food to get me through the night. i'm so ready for the day to be over.

to blog or not to blog

open/closed-faced sandwiches... harvest grains bread, mustard/mayo, arugula, smoked turkey, avocado, baby carrots + bone-suckin' sauce

so i guess the question is... where do i go from here? do i keep up the blogging? or let this blog disappear as my former (deleted) one? i've lost much of the motivation to blog on a daily basis, and i think that happened as a result of 2 things: 1) gaining much more flexibility in my food/not so much needing a journal to track what i'm eating, and 2) feeling like i need to censor some of my still-quite-disordered and/or depressive thoughts to select readers, which kind of defeats the purpose of a recovery blog to begin with.

so... whereto from here?

lazy blogger

i know, i haven't been blogging much. i really just haven't felt like it. so i don't know where this blog is heading... i feel less of a need for it now, not that i don't still have struggles, but eating the "right amount" has become somewhat ::gasp:: intuitive! i'm not always OK with what i need... i question myself a lot... but i don't think i need to snap a picture and look at what i've eaten in a day to know what is appropriate.

i felt compelled to post tonight b/c i made a fab dinner: sweet potato, celery root, and black bean quesadillas. odd combo? well sweet potato and celery root go really well together... and i've had sweet potato-black bean quesadillas... and since i had bought both a sweet potato and a celery root at the store the other day, i figured it would be a good idea =). with sauteed onions and shredded dubliner cheese, topped with avocado, salsa, and greek yogurt...


time to read in bed...

colorful & summery

i haven't really felt like posting, or cooking lately.  tonight i wanted something easy, satisfying, and light & summery to match the southern heatwave.  i decided to make a surimi salald and stuff it in a pita.  i pretty much threw things in as i went along, not measuring anything, and it ended up delicious, although i forgot to pick up some cilantro, which would have made it even better...

this made plenty for 2 servings, and perhaps more than that:

• package flake-style surimi, shredded
• large stalk celery, diced
• 1/3 red onion, diced
• champagne mango, cubed (the small mangos)
• couple handfuls raisins
• some slivered almonds (how precise!)
• juice of a small orange
• tablespoon apple cider vinegar
• 1-2 tsp nuoc mam (vietnamese fish sauce)
• heaping tablespoon greek yogurt
• 2? tsp light mayo
• s & p

YUM!

wish i had some sorbet for dessert!

i took a half day today... i got up and just wasn't feeling it, and since i had an appointment @ 1, i decided to work until then, and take it easy the rest of the day.  i went to the bookstore and sipped on an iced coffee while reading, called a friend and caught up, and changed into loungepants at 5 =p.  i don't quite feel rested, since what i really need to catch up on is sleep, but i feel a bit more relaxed.  

once again, i'm feeling like i need more friends/more connection.  my nutritionist says it's a sign of where i am in recovery, where just figuring out the food piece isn't enough, and now i need something deeper.  i'm exploring meetup groups (to meet people for a hike or something) but i'm just so bad at pushing myself out there.  

worn out!

i was quite productive this morning...

put away clutter
cleaned litterbox
put away laundry, washed new load
cleaned kitchen, including:
cleaned out fridge of expired items, cleaned drawers
vacuumed floors/carpet
vacuumed couch (handheld vacuum)
mopped floors

... and now i'm exhausted. i forced myself to finish all that before breaking for lunch (or well, stopping... i'm done being productive for the day). i felt like i had a workout! by the time i was done (1:15), i neeeeeeeeeded lunch. i felt like something hot/filling, so i heated up one of those indian "tastybite" pouches:

punjab eggplant

... served alongside baby carrots and toasted pita:


i realized a dollop of plain yogurt would have been good on top... but not until i was about 3/4 through... so i didn't bother. i actually think this was kind of a puny lunch, especially after all that cleaning. i'm heading out in a few though, to the bookstore for some ME time without the cats, and i think i may splurge on a frappuccino .

i snapped this pic this morning, and love it. action shot! belle is just sitting there like, hmm?!


hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

belle & sebastian

i can't resist... more pictures of the little terrors:

belle, the wise one--ha! (8 years):


and sebastian, aka crazykitty (6.5 months):


they almost look like they could be sisters! belle is maybe starting to tolerate sebastian...

i finally got some sleep last night. i was so tired after work yesterday, that i could barely think of anything to cook, but i still wanted a real meal. i had a ripe plantain that needed to be eaten, so i sauteed plantain slices with a bit of olive oil and sprinkled them with sea salt, nuked some frozen broccoli florets and topped them with ginger-chili sauce, and made a mini toasted veggieburger sandwich:


this left me hungry later, so i had a cup of hot chocolate AND a clifzbar. i was ok with that though, because i felt like i needed it. maybe this dinner was punier than usual?

mmmm... i'm excited to take the leftover plantain slices to work today for lunch =).

breakfast this morning was the usual almond butter/banana combo, served on a cinn-raisin english muffin with a side of nectarine & cherries:


and off to work i go. tgif.