Thursday, May 7, 2009

i'm still here!

i took a hiatus, but i'm still here. i don't know what the consistency of my posting will be, but i wanted to pop in and say hi. i'm off to my parents' home tomorrow (7 hour drive) because one of my good friends is getting married. i'm excited and nervous at the same time, as both going home and the wedding may bring up some unwanted emotions. the rehearsal dinner is a TEN COURSE chinese banquet, but i'm just going to eat until i'm satisfied-- as long as i meet my needs i don't need to worry about anyone else (and really, no one cares what i do or do not eat).

i may even post some wedding pics later when i return =).


  1. Have a great time. It's hard at these type of events but you know your body and what it needs. Enjoy.

  2. hang in there. It sounds like you have a lot going on for you right now. By what I've read, it appears that you are beginning to be more social and meet more people. In addition, you have the wedding to go to, where you will see people from the past and it is hard going into that at a weight different since you last saw them. It goes against your identity as well, as the skinny one or the sick one depending on how well your body was holding up to your illness. Not only that, but it probably means being with people who you'd rather not be around. Emotionaly, it sounds like you're adjusting to wellness, an idea contrary to what you are used to and that feels uncomfortable, for a very very long time. I never thought I would wear a fitted pair of jeans, but 2 years later here I am. The body image for me is better, I still see myself heavier than I really am but knowing I hold this bias is helpful. I had a hard time at work yesterday when my coworkers commented on my body, they said I looked thin in jeans (jeans day) and that they were jealous. I should have been happy they weren't seeing me as fat. I like to pretend that my body isn't noticed, that my weight matters to no one and is a figment of my imagination. Usually it works, except in instances such as those.
    You mentioned in your post about being confused about multiple things, can you explain more about what that is about?
    Hang in there.

  3. good luck and just enjoy yourself at the wedding!

  4. hey there! you have been MIA for so long, just wondering if you're ok!