Sunday, March 15, 2009

the aftermath

no, not of a binge, or anything close. but i was feeling a bit anxious after dinner (i thought going 2 weeks without feedback from c. re: my weight wouldn't be stressful, but now i want reassurance stat... 3 more days until my appt...). and well, i didn't want a snack. i was going to skip it, thinking i probably didn't really need it anyway (?). i definitely wasn't listening to my body though, because i conciously told myself i wasn't hungry, so it almost didn't matter... i probably wouldn't have recognized hunger anyway. anywho... at around 10 my mind started thinking about the apple in my fridge. LOL seriously, i have health food cravings now. so i get out the apple and the remaining 1/2 of this maple-almond butter squeeze pack, and begin crunching/squeezing away. i purposely didn't take a picture at first because, i wasn't really committed to the snack. i felt guilty and ashamed about it. really, it's a 200 calorie healthy snack. but once again i find myself second guessing... perhaps it was an extra 200 calories my body really didn't need. how am i supposed to know?

3 comments:

  1. you might not know if your body really "needs" it. but in the long run, is it that big of a deal? you wanted it. it's healthy. it wasn't a binge. it was a snack, not your whole dinner or something. you eat it, you take a picture (!!), you move on with life. it's not worth putting so much thought and emotion into. just an apple.

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  2. i just thought about it, but i didn't obsess too much... i think writing about these thoughts in my blog is good because it actually does help me see the big picture, and move on. i was pretty aware how disordered the thoughts were when i thought about it, and even that was helpful.

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