Friday, March 27, 2009

be here now

i had a really nice therapy session yesterday, in that i acknowledged the place where i am RIGHT now. no, i'm not "recovered," and i probably will have slips in the future. but i have come SO far from where i was a year ago (still in treatment at this time!!!). my friend/fellow blogger hopeagain wrote a nice post yesterday about the same thing. i am often (too) hard on myself (like when i was critical about the fact that i left my apt on a difficult night-- distracting myself rather than sitting through and dealing with the feelings), and yes, i'd like to be further along the recovery path... but perhaps i'm OK with where i am. all in due time. i think that is becoming one of my favorite expressions . i think some of my friends (and certainly some family) who know about my disorder don't understand that this is work, EVERY day. this doesn't mean that i struggle through every meal (because i don't now ), but that i have ACTIVE work to do each and every day in order to stay on top. and there are times when it is really really difficult, and i have to keep reminding myself that it is worth it to stay "in the game." eating disorders are an odd addiction in that the substance of choice is so... benign... familiar... comforting. food to most people is just a part of life, and not one tied to feelings of self-worth. i realize now that most people who have not been through it (save a few people, such as my therapist and nutritionist), are not ever going to completely understand. but that's OK.

i guess friday is a day for introspection. it is also a day for... LATTES!

onto the food...

i decided against the usual oats/waffles/english muffin today, and went with a trusty bowl of cereal:

mix golean and pb puffins, 1/3 banana, a handful of frozen cherries, vanilla soymilk... plus 1/2 of a fuji apple on the side

i am already excited for my lunch in 4 hours...

12-grain harvest bread with mustard, light mayo, cucumber, roast beef (pulled out of freezer & defrosted), and 3-yr. aged gouda (this stuff is amaaaazing and almost gone). plus bell pepper strips.

... a dried fig!

and once again, yay for friday afternoon lattes!

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