day by day

i expected to wake up hungry this morning, but that didn't happen. i'm eating because i know i have to, but it doesn't taste all that good. actually, i've noticed over the past few weeks that food is slightly less enticing than it used to be. not in a bad way for the most part (although i think today and yesterday's slight distaste is somewhat deeper) but in the respect that i am no longer feeling like 'i can't have it so i want it more.' the first time i ate 2 waffles with pb and banana for breakfast instead of the former piece of toast or granola bar (if anything), i could not believe that i was permitted to eat like that, and so it was more of an experiment. it was almost too enjoyable, because i wasn't sure i was "allowed" to eat a nourishing breakfast like that every day, and i was afraid it was going to be taken away from me. by now, it has normalized a bit, in that my body isn't craving those forbidden foods. my stocked kitchen is not much of a threat, for this reason either. but i know my physiology well... just a few days of slipping back into (even slight) restriction mode will make me extremely vulnerable.

i hadn't had peanut butter in a long time, as i've been stuck on almond butter! but i bought a jar (actually 2!) yesterday.

maple-cinn waffles (with oatbran!), not sure how much crunchy pb because it was very loose from having just opened/stirred the jar, 1/2 banana, coffee with milk

oozing pb

i packed lunch in 3 minutes. sometimes prepping lunch just takes too long, so i need to pack this sort of lunch more often:

whole wheat pita (cut into pockets), to toast at work and stuff each with 1 morningstar teriyaki veggie cake (heated separately, of course), and drizzle with hoisin sauce, plus carrots, and a 1/2 cup raspberries

and an afternoon snack...

1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 banana, couple handfuls "mainely maple" granola

i may or may not count totals for the day. seems like as it is, i've been totalling up the exchanges at the end of the day, but i haven't been changing anything when i see those totals. my totals are almost always within a few hundred calories of each other, and i think i know when i've undereaten... if i replace a meal with a snack or skip a snack for example. but i know my bfasts/lunches/dinners are roughly the same size from day to day. and although i fear i am overeating, the totals never show that, and c (the nutritionist) has confirmed that. it would be a lot less work to not calculate exchanges, but i may not be ready for it either, so we'll see how things go.